Sandra met up with Stacey right around lunch time. They walked to the cafeteria with Stacey talking the whole time. It annoyed a lot of people, but Sandra didn't mind it because it kept her mind off other things.
They sat down to eat after shoving their way through the crowded lunch lines. Sandra looked down at her plate and couldn't remember why she fought so hard to get through the line for mystery meat.
"So, anyway, back to what I was saying," Stacey rambled on. "I don't like gym class because the teacher is weird. I think he's a perv. Every time I look at him he's staring at one of the girls. He chose the phys ed uniform and of course he chose short shorts for girls!" she complained, playing with her food. She made a disgusted face. "I hate school lunches."
"Where's Katie?" Stacey asked, realizing she wasn't sitting with them.
"She went to Puerto Rico with her mom for the week." Sandra said, sighing sadly.
"Oh, so we can hang out all week!" Stacey said excitedly.
It was no secret that Stacey and Katie shared a mutual disliking of one another. The only reason they put up with each other, it seemed, was for Sandra. Sandra couldn't understand why they couldn't give each other a chance. Frankly, it annoyed her. It also annoyed her when Stacey acted as if she were better than Katie. Sometimes she'd say things like 'I bet you never have this much fun with Katie.' Sandra always just ignored it, because the truth was she had more fun with Katie than anyone else.
"Actually, I'm grounded this week. So unless you can convince my mom to let me come out, it's not going to happen." Sandra said, sipping her water.
"I'll see what I can do." Stacey said.
Sandra felt better after lunch. She didn't eat very much, but her nausea went away. She fidgeted through the rest of her classes. She kept looking at the clock waiting for 3 o'clock. It seemed like time was standing still. Finally the bell rang and she jumped out of her chair so fast that she almost knocked it over.
Her mom was waiting outside for her to make sure she came straight home. Sandra rolled her eyes when she saw the car. She got in the car and didn't say anything. Of course, her mom tried to act like nothing was going on.
"Hey hun!" She chirped as Sandra closed the door. "I was wondering, have you chosen what you're going to be dressing up as for Halloween?"
"Probably a ghost." Sandra said without looking at her mother.
"Really?" Her mom asked surprised. "But that's so plain, usually you pick something unique."
"Yeah, well I'm not really in the mood for anything unique this year." Sandra said, feeling like she already was a ghost.
"Well, this weekend, do you want to go out shopping for costumes? It can be me, you, Gwen, and Amber. We can have a girl's night and your father can watch Jeff." She suggested hopefully.
Amber was Sandra's older sister. She was twenty two. She got pregnant at Sandra's age. She now lived on her own in the apartment complex across town that only accepted families on welfare.
"Sure." Sandra said, hoping her mom would forget by Friday.
When they got home, Sandra went straight to her room. She told her mom she had homework to catch up on. She was glad her mom didn't pry, otherwise she probably would have figured out that Sandra finished her homework in school, like she usually does.
She went up to her room and spread her books and notebooks out on the bed on one end. Kicking off her sneakers, she laid in bed on her stomach. She picked up her chemistry book and began flipping through the pages, trying to look busy.
After about fifteen minutes, Sandra heard a knock at the door. Her heart pounded as she tried to listen closer. she squeezed her eyes closed hoping her mom would answer. She did. She could hear a conversation going on, but couldn't hear what they were saying. She knew her plan was a success when she heard two pairs of footsteps coming up the stairs.
"Sandra, someone's here for you." Her mom poked her head in the door. Sandra put a pencil and book down, pretending as if she were studying.
"Really?" Sandra asked, feigning surprise.
"Yes, the French exchange student. She says she needs help with her homework. Aimen, I think she said her name was?" Her mom said sweetly.
"Imene, actually." Sandra heard Imene correct her.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" She apologized sincerely.
"So are you going to let her in?" Sandra asked, trying not to give away her plan.
"Oh, right. You two have fun!" Sandra's mom walked away as Imene walked in and closed the door.
Both girls froze for a few seconds, listening. They wanted to make sure her mom went back down stairs. When they heard the footsteps on the stairs, Sandra jumped up, pushing all her books to the side.
"So, did you bring the goods?" Sandra asked anxiously.
Imene didn't answer, she just took her messenger book bag and set it on the bed, lifting the strap over her head. She opened the flap and paused, looking at Sandra and adding to the suspense. Finally, she reached in her bag and pulled out her laptop.
"Yes!" Sandra cried quietly. She took the laptop into her lap as Imene jumped on the bed and sat beside her.
Sandra connected the laptop to her parents wireless router. She clicked on the internet and typed as quickly and quietly as she could. While the page was loading, she kept fidgeting and urging the computer to hurry up. Finally, it loaded and she scrolled through all the junk mail to find Katie's email. A smile grew on her face as she found it and opened it. The smile remained plastered on her face as she read.
Sandra,
Heyyy best frannnd! What are you up to? How mad were your parents when you came home late? Our plane came in early this morning, it was a quicker flight than I thought! You'll never guess what happened! (Okay, I bet you've already guessed...) I met a guy on the plane! He seems nice. He's not as cute as Greg, though. It's weird because he's going on a vacation to Puerto Rico, too. Know what's even more weird? He's staying in the same hotel! He's on the second level, though and we're on the seventh. His name is John.
Anyway, how are things with Jimmy? Have you called him yet? Let me know everything!! My mom is already at the pool in her bikini and sarong flirting with the locals. She's such a dork, she has her Spanish-English dictionary and is trying to speak Spanish. I think she's hooked a couple so far! But I don't think it has anything to do with her conversational skills.
Anyway, I heart you and mish you! Wish you were here!
xOx
Katie<3
Sandra read it over a few times, wishing there were more. She smiled as she imagined how Katie acted around this John character. She could imagine Katie's mom with guys around her as she tried, and failed, to speak Spanish.
Sandra sometimes felt that beauty was a curse in some cases. It definitely was for Katie's mom. There were always guys pretending to be the perfect someone, perfect dad, perfect husband, perfect whatever, just to get her to trust them. They were never who they said they were and they always left her heart broken and more damaged than before. Somehow, though, Katie's mom always managed to smile. Sandra paused with her fingers over the keys as she thought about what to write in her reply.
Katie,
What's up girl? I'm glad to hear you and your mom are having fun! Make sure you look out for your mom, you know how naive she is, she's worse than you! I wish I could be there to explore with you!
Not much is going on here. Imene says hi. Technically I'm grounded right now, but she snuck her laptop in telling my mom she needed homework help. I spent most of today at the nurse's office. She's super nice.
I haven't called Jimmy yet. I'm scared to. I don't really know why. I think I'll call him tomorrow night, but that means I'd have to find a way to get my cell phone back from my mom. I don't know what I'm really going to say if I do call. I think I decided what I want to do. I really want the baby, well I want the baby more than I don't. Does that make any sense? I mean part of me is scared like what if Jimmy leaves or what if I'm not a good mom? But as it gets closer to THE DAY, those voices seem to fade more and more. I caught myself laying with my hands on my stomach trying to feel the baby move. I know it's way too early, but I can't help but imagine everything about it! I think I'm more excited than scared.
Anyway, I think I hear my mom coming, gotta go!
Mish you and heart you more!
xOx
Sandra
Sandra pressed send and slammed the laptop closed as footsteps reached the top of the stairs. Her and Imene scrambled around looking for a place to hide it. Sandra slid it under her pillow and Imene grabbed the English book as the doorknob began to turn.
"So, you see here, this sentence is missing the adjective." Sandra said the first thing to come to her mind as the door opened.
"Sandra, dear, I don't mean to interrupt you two, but you have another visitor." Sandra's mom said, emphasizing the word "another" sounding a little agitated.
"Who?" Sandra asked, confused.
"Hey!" Stacey pulled the door open and walked in. "I figured we could do homework together!" She said excitedly before noticing Imene. "It seems you started without me, though." Stacey sounded disappointed.
"Oh, calm down Stace." Sandra laughed. "We've barely started. Pull up a chair." Sandra's mom looked at the girls suspiciously for a few minutes before closing the door.
"So what are we working on?" Stacey asked as she pulled out her English book.
"Honestly, we're not doing homework." Sandra said. "It was just a cover." She explained.
"Oh." Stacey said, unsure of how to respond. "So, what are we going to do then?" Stacey asked, slowly putting her book back in her bag.
There was a brief awkward silence while the three girls looked at each other, not sure what to do. Sandra picked up her remote and put her radio on and made sure the volume wasn't loud enough to attract her parents' attention.
"I have a crush on this guy in our history class!" Stacey tried breaking the silence.
"Tell us about him!" Imene urged her.
"His name is Kyle Kelly." Stacey explained, knowing Sandra would know who she was talking about.
"Ew!" Sandra cried. "He's a jerk!"
The three girls kept talking about Kyle Kelly. Sandra explained why she thought he was a jerk. No matter what Sandra said, Stacey was set on having a crush on him. They made sure to keep at least one book open, in case anyone walked in.
About an hour and three conversations later, Sandra's mom knocked on the door. The girls stopped talking as she poked her head in.
"Would your friends like to eat over? I'm about to start dinner." She asked after looking around the room.
"Oh, I don't think I can, Mrs. Gallagher." Stacey said regretfully.
"I would love to!" Imene said with a smile.
"Well, I guess I can call my mom and ask." Stacey said, reconsidering.
While Stacey was in the hallway talking on the pone with her mother, Imene gave Sandra a curious look.
"What?" Sandra asked with a smirk.
"Does she get jealous of everyone?" Imene asked quietly.
"She's a little insecure. To a lot of people she may seem annoying or whatever, but underneath it all she's really sweet. When she wants to be." Sandra said, adding the last part as an afterthought.
"Must be way underneath it all." Imene said, right before they heard Stacey saying goodbye to her mom.
Sandra laughed as Stacey walked back in. Stacey looked back and forth at Sandra and Imene suspiciously. Imene got up and walked out of the room with the excuse that she needed to wash her hands before dinner. Stacey seemed perturbed.
"What's wrong, Stace?" Sandra asked, genuinely concerned.
"Nothing." Stacey rolled her eyes.
"Really, tell me!" Sandra demanded, furrowing her eyebrows. "Did your mom say no to dinner?"
"I bet you'd like that." Stacey snapped.
"What?" Sandra asked incredulously. "Why would you say that?"
"You practically tried to get me not to come tonight. You said you were grounded." Stacey said, getting more upset.
"I am grounded!" Sandra hissed.
Before Stacey could respond, Sandra's mom came up. She let the girls know dinner was ready. Stacey and Sandra stared at each other for a few moments after Sandra's mom walked away. Stacey glowered at Sandra as Imene walked in. Imene immediately felt the tension in the room.
"I'll be downstairs, at the table." Imene said turning on her heeel and walking out.
"Come on, Stacey. Calm down, let's go eat." Sandra said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm not very hungry anymore." Stacey said, her eyes glistening. She got up and walked out. Sandra sighed heavily. She hoped Stacey would be over it by tomorrow.
After dinner, Imene left. She gave Sandra a hug and kiss on the cheek. She thanked Sandra's mom for allowing Sandra to help her. After giving her mom a hug, she began to walk out the door.
"Anytime, dear! If you need to, you can come everyday this week." Sandra's mom called after her. "Be safe on your way home. Call Sandra when you get home!" She called as Imene waved while walking away.
Sandra went up to her room to get ready to take a shower. She grabbed a towel out of the linen closet and carried it with her to her room. She pulled the elastic out of her hair and brushed it so it would be easier to wash. She was sitting on her bed taking off her socks when her mom came in.
"If you pull a stunt like that again, I'll double your punishment." She said, angrily narrowing her eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Sandra asked, innocently.
"Having all your friends come over while you're grounded. That's what I'm talking about. The French girl can come over, but only to do homework. Do you hear me?" She spoke sternly.
"Yes. I do hear you, mom, but trust me, I didn't invite Stacey over." She walked by her mom as she spoke. "Can I go in the shower now?" She asked, waiting to close the bathroom door until her mom gave her permission to end the conversation.
Later that night, as Sandra sat at her vanity brushing her hair, she started to feel overwhelmed. Putting the brush down on the vanity, she began to cry. She didn't know what she was doing, didn't know what to do. Her mother came to the door, she nudged the door open after lightly knocking on it.
"What's the matter Sandra?" She asked worriedly as she walked over and sat next to Sandra. She put her arm around Sandra as Sandra tried to stop crying.
"I don't know. I'm scared." Sandra cried, leaning into her mother.
"Everyone gets scared when they're pregnant. It's normal." Her mother comforted her, and Sandra actually felt better.
"Really?" Sandra asked, sniffling.
"Really." Her mother said, getting up. "Now, get to sleep."
Monday, March 21, 2011
chapter 8
The next day, Sandra woke up feeling as if it were going to be a bad day. She tried to shrug it off, but couldn't ignore the tension in the pit of her stomach. She tried as hard as she could to keep herself from puking all morning. It was the end of math class, and so far she was successful.
Stacey didn't meet Sandra in the hall like she usually did. Sandra kept her eyes wide, looking for Stacey on the way to her next class. She wanted to at least apologize. Sandra knew it was just a miscommunication. She hoped she could make Stacey see that she hadn't meant to hurt her feelings.
She found Stacey sitting in their history class. Sandra took her usual seat next to her. She turned to try and talk to Stacey, but Stacey turned away. Sandra tapped her, not letting Stacey dismiss her that easily.
"Stacey, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Sandra said to the back of Stacey's head.
"Oh really?" Stacey asked as she turned to look at Sandra. "Then why is it that whenever you're grounded, I'm the only one you can't hang out with. You're never grounded when it comes to Katie or Imene." Stacey said with venom in her voice.
"It's not like that. I swear to you. I really am grounded, but Imene kind of sweet talked my mom. Just like you did!" Sandra hoped Stacey wouldn't stay mad.
"I guess that makes sense." Stacey said, dropping her crossed arms. "I'm sorry I got so angry; I thought you just would rather hang out with anyone else than me." Stacey said, bashfully.
"No! I love hanging out with you!" Sandra said with a wave of her hand.
"So did you make that appointment?" Stacey asked.
"Yeah, it's for tomorrow. I don't know if I'm really going to go through with it or not yet." Sandra said, looking at her hands.
"I really don't think you should." Stacey said sincerely.
"I don't think I want to, but we'll see." Sandra said as the teacher walked in.
The day seemed to fly by. Sandra couldn't help but think 'it figures, the days go faster when I don't want them to'. Although Stacey said she had forgiven Sandra, she seemed a little more distant than usual. Sandra didn't realize just how much attention Stacey really paid to her until it wasn't happening anymore.
When the final bell rang signalling the end of the day, Sandra grabbed her large duffle bag out of her locker and planned on making her way to the softball field. As she walked down the front steps of the school, she saw her mom's car. She rolled her eyes in annoyance. As she reached the car, she tapped on the window, as a message for her mom to roll it down. When it rolled down, Sandra leaned over, resting her forearms on the door.
"Mom, I have softball practice today." Sandra said, hoping she would leave.
"Well, hop in. I'll give you a ride." She said cheerfully.
"You hate giving us rides places." Sandra muttered as she opened the door and plopped down into the seat.
"Oh don't be silly!" Her mom gave her a dismissive wave of her hand. "I think I may watch." She said thoughtfully.
"Oh God, why me?" Sandra said under her breath, hoping her mother didn't hear.
"What was that dear?" Her mom asked politely.
"Nothing. I thought I was going to sneeze. False alarm." Sandra said sarcastically.
"Oh, okay." Her mom said, eyeing her.
The car pulled up to the softball field and Sandra jumped out before her mother even had the car in park. She ran down to the field and sat on the bench as she changed into her cleats. Her mother followed behind her and sat on the small set of bleachers a few feet behind Sandra.
As Sandra took her position as catcher, she couldn't help but think about everything that was going on. 'The appointment is tomorrow. Jimmy still hasn't called. How am I going to make it a full week without Katie?' She became unfocused and it showed with the way she was playing. She kept missing the ball when the pitcher threw it and when Sandra threw the ball it was even more off target than usual.
The coach told Sandra to go take a break, so she sat on the bench. She leaned forward and put her head on her knees, trying not to be upset. Her mother came and sat beside her. She rubbed Sandra's back before she spoke.
"Are you okay?" She asked, genuinely concerned.
"Fine." Sandra said, picking her head up.
"You know, I think being with softball is really good for you. You should try a little harder to be focused." She said, trying to be supportive.
Sandra ignored the statement. A coach came over and asked her mom to wait on the bleachers with the rest of the parents. Sandra sat on the bench for the rest of the practice. At the end of the practice, she offered to help the coach put the equipment back in her car.
"So where have you been the past few practices?" The coach asked, taking a bag of softballs from her.
"I've had some stuff going on." Sandra said vaguely.
"Well, let me know if you need anything." The coach said with a consoling smile.
"Actually, Coach, there's a reason I wanted to help you today." Sandra started, the Coach put the bats in her trunk and turned to give her full attention to Sandra. "I'm not going to be able to play anymore. I have a lot going on and it wouldn't be fair to the team for me to take up a starting position for someone who deserves it more."
The coach stood there looking at Sandra for a few moments. She was considering what Sandra said as she bit her lip. She was young, probably in her late twenties. She had chestnut brown hair and dark brown eyes. After a few seconds, she spoke.
"Whatever is best for you, Sandra. If you think softball is a burden to you at this point in your life, then it probably is best to focus on other things. I'll give you until the end of the week to change your mind though, okay?" She added the last part with a small smile.
"Thank you, Coach." Sandra said as she turned to walk toward her impatiently waiting mother.
"What was that about?" Her mom asked as Sandra got within a few feet of her.
"Nothing." Sandra responded as she picked up her duffle bag and continued on her way to the car.
"Imene wanted to know if she could come over and study with me again." Sandra said meekly as she threw her bag into the backseat of the car.
"I guess its alright, as long as it doesn't turn into a party like last night!" Her mother said as she shook her head disapprovingly. "You're still grounded, don't forget that. The only reason I'm letting your French friend come over is because she needs your help." Her mother lectured her.
"Yes, mother." Sandra replied, not wanting to start an argument.
"Call her and see if she needs a ride." Her mother handed Sandra her cell phone.
After digging through her purse, she finally found the number and called Imene. Sandra asked about getting picked up and Imene said yes. Sandra's mother made her way toward Imene's house with the help of Imene's directions.
When the girls got to Sandra's house they ran straight upstairs. Sandra closed and locked her door as Imene pulled out her laptop. Imene plugged it in as it loaded up. Sandra hopped onto the bed and propped some pillows behind her to lean on.
"So, have you made a decision?" Imene asked anxiously, typing her password into the log on screen.
"I think so." Sandra said with a sly smile.
"Well, whatever you do, just make the best of your decision. Okay?" Imene said as she passed the laptop to Sandra, who went straight to her email. She smiled as she saw Katie's email address.
Sandra,
So far, Puerto Rico is amazing! It's so beautiful. One of my mom's new boyfriends (yes, I said "ONE of") took us on a tour of the city we're in. It's called Old San Juan. He brought us to a really pretty beach. I forget the name of it, but my mom bought me a new bathing suit today. It's super cute. It's white with a pink Lily on the front left of the top and on the back of the bottom.
My mom's boyfriend is pretty cute. His name is Samuel (pronounced sam-well). He has a six pack. He gives tours of a bunch of different cities for a living. Some of the museums were interesting, but you know me, they got boring really quickly. I haven't met her other boyfriends yet, I've just seen her hanging at the pool with them.
Anyway, John is great! He asked me out on a date to some sushi restaurant. I forget the name, I was barely paying attention to what he said! Haha...It was dragonfly something or butterfly something or other. But either way, my mom said no at first because she was being paranoid about those girls that go missing while on vacation. Samuel was with my mom at the time (she was sitting by the pool and he was giving her a shoulder massage) and he suggested that they go with us, as a double date! Of course, my mom agreed, and John had no problem at all with it! We had a really good time. My mom hit on John a few times when she started getting tipsy. It was kind of funny, but kind of embarrassing. I think John liked it! Either that, or he's a very good sport. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Tell me what's going on with you! I hope you called Jimmy, if not I'm going to be so mad!
Heart you and mish you! xoxo
*Katie
Sandra watched her bedroom door for a moment before beginning to type her response. She wanted to make sure her mom wouldn't come walking in as Sandra was typing. Imene finished her math homework as she sat beside Sandra.
Katie,
It sounds like you're having so much fun! You better be taking lots of pictures so I can live vicariously through you! I can't wait until you get back, I feel like I'm missing part of myself without you. Especially since I haven't been talking to Jimmy. I really miss him. I tried to stay strong, but I guess I got used to having him around with his whole goofy personality.
My mom has been acting kind of nicer to me lately. I think it's because the appointment is tomorrow. I wonder how mad she'll be when she finds out I don't want to. I hope they don't kick me out or anything, I'm not that ready to leave yet. Well, sorry this is so short, but I don't want my mom to catch me on here. She'd probably have a cow. Send me pictures with your next email!
Heart you and mish you! xOx
Sandra*
It was Tuesday afternoon, and Jimmy still had a headache. His hangover was lasting much longer today than it usually did. He figured it had a lot to do with the fact that he drank a lot more than he usually does the night before. Opening the bottle of rapid release pain relievers, he popped three in his mouth, swallowing them dry.
"Man, that's sick." Vinny said, watching Jimmy from the office door.
"They're gelcaps, they go down pretty easy." Jimmy defended himself as he leaned over a Mitsubishi Eclipse to look under the hood. "Speaking of which, how come you haven't seemed to have a hangover at all and you drank more than me?" Jimmy asked accusingly.
"I'm at my peak of twenty five. I have enough experience to be able to handle my liquor." Vinny said, boasting.
"And when you turn twenty six, you won't be able to drink a beer without feeling it the next day." Jimmy said, laughing.
"Har har, what a joker." Vinny mocked as he took a sip of his soda.
"I dreamt I called Sandra last night." Jimmy said as he turned a wrench.
"That was no dream buddy." Vinny said, walking over and patting Jimmy on the back. "Actually, you called her a few times."
"And she didn't pick up?" Jimmy asked disappointedly.
"You said it went straight to voicemail. I tried to take the phone from you, but by the time I finally got it from you, you'd already left three messages. You were like a crazy broad. Every message was a different emotion." Vinny said laughing.
"Oh no." Jimmy groaned as he put his hand over his face. "Please tell me you're fucking with me." Jimmy said painfully, without opening his eyes.
"Man, I really wish I were." Vinny said, handing Jimmy a soda.
"And by the way, why didn't you tell me Courtney was all over you?" Vinny said with a sly smile.
"Because I want to forget about it." Jimmy said, hoping Vinny wouldn't keep talking about it.
"What?" Vinny asked incredulously. "Man, I'd give anything for Courtney to even look at me for more than four seconds!"
"I think she's gross. Her and her four friends. She's like a piranha, all of them are. The instant they smell fresh meat, they attack." Jimmy said, using his hands to illustrate his theory.
"Well, I wouldn't mind getting attacked by any piranha as hot as any of those girls." Vinny said with a whistle at the end. "Amber, Courtney, Bridget, Diana, or Felicity." Vinny spoke as if he were picturing them as he said their names.
"Whatever." Jimmy said, trying to end the conversation. "I only want Sandra."
"Blah blah blah." Vinny said loudly.
As Vinny and Jimmy locked up the garage, Vinny invited Jimmy over to play some cards. Jimmy agreed, reluctantly, hoping Vinny hadn't also invited the "piranha sorority". As much as Vinny denied inviting them, Jimmy knew it was extremely unlikely that Vinny wouldn't invite them. The girls were always with Vinny and his other friends.
When Jimmy and Vinny arrived at Vinny's apartment, he knew before the car was even parked that the five girls he wanted to see least were already there. Bridget's Firebird was parked on the street in front of the apartment building. Jimmy knew the girls had an extra key to Vinny's. Vinny would do anything for any of them if they looked at him in a way that made him think he had a chance at getting with one of them. It was too late for Jimmy to turn around now, Vinny had driven him and Jimmy was too tired to walk the two miles back to his car. Jimmy sighed heavily as he followed Vinny up the stairs and tried to pretend that he wasn't too disappointed the girls were there.
"Hey Jimmy!" The girls shouted, almost in unison. It was obvious they had already started drinking.
Through the night, more people showed up. By the time people stopped showing up there were about fifteen people in Vinny's apartment. That was at about ten o'clock. Around that time was when Bridget started following Jimmy around. Jimmy tried to ignore her as much as possible, but she was making it difficult. She kept trying to hold his hand and he kept pulling his hand away.
"I'm not single." He turned and said sternly.
"Honestly, I really don't care." Bridget said with a slur.
Jimmy thought of Sandra. He reached into his pocket looking for his phone. Maybe he'd call her. It wasn't in his pocket. Jimmy froze as he tried to think of where it would be. He asked Vinny and a few other people, but no one had seen it. Jimmy went into Vinny's guest bedroom, hoping it didn't end up in there. As he was walking out the door to the living room, Bridget rushed into him. Jimmy dropped his bottle of Guinness as she wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to kiss him while he was pulling away.
Sandra sat at home. It was Tuesday night, Imene had already gone home. It was almost eleven o'clock and Sandra couldn't sleep. She wanted to call Jimmy so bad. She missed hearing his voice, smelling his cologne, being wrapped up in his arms.
"I'm going to do it." Sandra decided out loud as she got out of bed and tip toed down stairs. She found her mother's purse and fished through it until Sandra found her cell phone. The minute she turned it on it started buzzing, letting her know she had four voicemails. She dialed her voicemail.
The first message was Jimmy, the morning after the fight. "Hey Sandra. I really want to apologize for how I acted last night. I'm sorry, I was barely even awake." There was a short silence as he was probably thinking of what to say next. "Well, just call me back. I miss you. Even though it's only been a few hours, just the thought of not seeing you soon hurts. I hope you call. Bye."
Sandra smiled as she deleted the message and played the next.
"Sandra!" Jimmy slurred, the background was very noisy. "Pick up the phone! I know you're there. You can't ignore me forever. You know you love me. Okay, call me back."
Sandra almost laughed as she saved that message for blackmail and played the next one.
"I'm sorry!" Jimmy slurred emotionally. "Don't leave me Sandra, I am nothing without you!" Sandra could hear Vinny in the background trying to take the phone. The message stopped there.
"Sorry that Vinny hung up on you. Anyway, who do you think you are? You think you can just ignore me? You need me! It's not the other way around." Jimmy tried to sound angry. "I think." He started to sound a little confused. He kept losing his train of thought through the whole message. "Anyway, like I was saying. I need you. So call me back."
That was the last message. Sandra couldn't stop smiling as she hung up the call. Now, she couldn't wait to talk to him. She went back to her room and dialed Jimmy's number. After a few seconds of her finger hovering over the call button, she finally pressed it. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it were fluttering. She thought of what she'd say.
'Jimmy, I decided I don't care about anything but you and this baby. I want you to come get me and we can run so far away that no one will ever find us and we can be happy together and have a family.'
No, that sounded too corny. The phone was on it's second ring. Sandra decided just to let the words come out however they may. Hopefully, he'd understand her. A smile grew on her face as she thought of how happy Jimmy would be to hear her voice. Her smile disappeared instantly as she heard a voice on the other line.
"Hello?" A woman answered.
"Who is this?" Sandra asked with unintentional attitude.
"This is Courtney, who is this?" The girl asked just as nasty.
"Sandra, I'm looking for Jimmy." Sandra tried to keep her voice low.
"He's busy." Courtney said slowly. Sandra heard someone yell Jimmy's name in the background.
"Jimmy, don't touch me like that! You know I'm not that type of girl." The girl in the background laughed. "You already got me all wet with your beer! Now it's time to make up for it."
"I already told you, Bridget. And to be clear I know exactly what type of girl you are." Jimmy began to say something else, but it was cut off as Courtney hung up the phone. Sandra fell back into bed. Tears were filling up her eyes as she tried not to cry. He couldn't really have moved on that quickly could he? Maybe he was just playing Sandra all along. Just as Sandra got up to bring the phone back downstairs, it rang. Looking at the caller ID, she realized it was Jimmy.
Jimmy shoved Bridget off of him forcefully as she screamed ridiculous statements about what kind of girl she was and his spilled beer. It was getting really annoying. Jimmy didn't know how much more he could take. Obviously these girls wouldn't get the hint as long as Jimmy was nice to them. He tried to be their friend, but they were way too aggressive for him.
"I already told you, Bridget. And to be clear I know exactly what type of girl you are." Jimmy yelled back. "I told you to get off of me. I don't want anything to do with you, or Courtney or any of you for that matter!"
Bridget's face turned white with fear as Jimmy's face turned red with anger.
"I want you and all your skanky friends to keep your hands off of me and stay ten feet away from me at all times! Do you understand that?" Jimmy said threateningly.
Bridget just nodded her head with her jaw ajar. She didn't say another word to him as she turned and walked toward the door. Setting her drink on the table, she gave Vinny a hug. The whole room was silent and stared at Jimmy.
"I'll see you later, Vin." Bridget said with a shaky voice.
Amber, Diana, and Felicity all followed, giving Jimmy a stare of death. They each gave Vinny a hug and kiss on the cheek as they thanked him for inviting them. Courtney walked up to Jimmy before following in her friends footsteps.
"I thought you were nice, but you really are just an ass." Courtney said, looking him up and down disgustedly. "I found your phone on the coffee table." She slammed the phone into his hand.
Jimmy looked at the phone and saw that it was blinking. He opened it and read the front screen. It said 'call ended: Sandra'. Looking at his call log, he realized Sandra had called not more than a few moments ago, and someone answered. The call lasted almost two minutes.
"Fuck." Jimmy muttered to himself as he pulled on his jacket and rushed out the door, holding the phone to his ear. Sandra answered, she sounded upset. He didn't notice anyone calling his name as he slammed the door shut, angry with Vinny.
"Sandra!" Jimmy exclaimed with a smile. "Darlin', you called!" He almost jumped for joy.
"Yeah." Sandra sniffled. "The abortion is tomorrow, I just thought you should know." Sandra said in a soft voice.
"You're definitely doing it?" Jimmy asked as he walked toward the garage.
"I guess. I don't know." Sandra's voice started to break. "We'll find out tomorrow, my mom's taking me. Goodnight Jimmy, I have to go."
"Sandra," Jimmy wanted to console her. There was a silence on the line for a few seconds as if she were waiting for him to speak. Then he heard the beep and his phone blinked 'call ended: Sandra'. Jimmy walked to his car. He got there about midnight. After seriously considering sleeping in the garage for the night, Jimmy turned the key in the ignition of his car and drove home. He decided he wasn't going to work the next day.
Stacey didn't meet Sandra in the hall like she usually did. Sandra kept her eyes wide, looking for Stacey on the way to her next class. She wanted to at least apologize. Sandra knew it was just a miscommunication. She hoped she could make Stacey see that she hadn't meant to hurt her feelings.
She found Stacey sitting in their history class. Sandra took her usual seat next to her. She turned to try and talk to Stacey, but Stacey turned away. Sandra tapped her, not letting Stacey dismiss her that easily.
"Stacey, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Sandra said to the back of Stacey's head.
"Oh really?" Stacey asked as she turned to look at Sandra. "Then why is it that whenever you're grounded, I'm the only one you can't hang out with. You're never grounded when it comes to Katie or Imene." Stacey said with venom in her voice.
"It's not like that. I swear to you. I really am grounded, but Imene kind of sweet talked my mom. Just like you did!" Sandra hoped Stacey wouldn't stay mad.
"I guess that makes sense." Stacey said, dropping her crossed arms. "I'm sorry I got so angry; I thought you just would rather hang out with anyone else than me." Stacey said, bashfully.
"No! I love hanging out with you!" Sandra said with a wave of her hand.
"So did you make that appointment?" Stacey asked.
"Yeah, it's for tomorrow. I don't know if I'm really going to go through with it or not yet." Sandra said, looking at her hands.
"I really don't think you should." Stacey said sincerely.
"I don't think I want to, but we'll see." Sandra said as the teacher walked in.
The day seemed to fly by. Sandra couldn't help but think 'it figures, the days go faster when I don't want them to'. Although Stacey said she had forgiven Sandra, she seemed a little more distant than usual. Sandra didn't realize just how much attention Stacey really paid to her until it wasn't happening anymore.
When the final bell rang signalling the end of the day, Sandra grabbed her large duffle bag out of her locker and planned on making her way to the softball field. As she walked down the front steps of the school, she saw her mom's car. She rolled her eyes in annoyance. As she reached the car, she tapped on the window, as a message for her mom to roll it down. When it rolled down, Sandra leaned over, resting her forearms on the door.
"Mom, I have softball practice today." Sandra said, hoping she would leave.
"Well, hop in. I'll give you a ride." She said cheerfully.
"You hate giving us rides places." Sandra muttered as she opened the door and plopped down into the seat.
"Oh don't be silly!" Her mom gave her a dismissive wave of her hand. "I think I may watch." She said thoughtfully.
"Oh God, why me?" Sandra said under her breath, hoping her mother didn't hear.
"What was that dear?" Her mom asked politely.
"Nothing. I thought I was going to sneeze. False alarm." Sandra said sarcastically.
"Oh, okay." Her mom said, eyeing her.
The car pulled up to the softball field and Sandra jumped out before her mother even had the car in park. She ran down to the field and sat on the bench as she changed into her cleats. Her mother followed behind her and sat on the small set of bleachers a few feet behind Sandra.
As Sandra took her position as catcher, she couldn't help but think about everything that was going on. 'The appointment is tomorrow. Jimmy still hasn't called. How am I going to make it a full week without Katie?' She became unfocused and it showed with the way she was playing. She kept missing the ball when the pitcher threw it and when Sandra threw the ball it was even more off target than usual.
The coach told Sandra to go take a break, so she sat on the bench. She leaned forward and put her head on her knees, trying not to be upset. Her mother came and sat beside her. She rubbed Sandra's back before she spoke.
"Are you okay?" She asked, genuinely concerned.
"Fine." Sandra said, picking her head up.
"You know, I think being with softball is really good for you. You should try a little harder to be focused." She said, trying to be supportive.
Sandra ignored the statement. A coach came over and asked her mom to wait on the bleachers with the rest of the parents. Sandra sat on the bench for the rest of the practice. At the end of the practice, she offered to help the coach put the equipment back in her car.
"So where have you been the past few practices?" The coach asked, taking a bag of softballs from her.
"I've had some stuff going on." Sandra said vaguely.
"Well, let me know if you need anything." The coach said with a consoling smile.
"Actually, Coach, there's a reason I wanted to help you today." Sandra started, the Coach put the bats in her trunk and turned to give her full attention to Sandra. "I'm not going to be able to play anymore. I have a lot going on and it wouldn't be fair to the team for me to take up a starting position for someone who deserves it more."
The coach stood there looking at Sandra for a few moments. She was considering what Sandra said as she bit her lip. She was young, probably in her late twenties. She had chestnut brown hair and dark brown eyes. After a few seconds, she spoke.
"Whatever is best for you, Sandra. If you think softball is a burden to you at this point in your life, then it probably is best to focus on other things. I'll give you until the end of the week to change your mind though, okay?" She added the last part with a small smile.
"Thank you, Coach." Sandra said as she turned to walk toward her impatiently waiting mother.
"What was that about?" Her mom asked as Sandra got within a few feet of her.
"Nothing." Sandra responded as she picked up her duffle bag and continued on her way to the car.
"Imene wanted to know if she could come over and study with me again." Sandra said meekly as she threw her bag into the backseat of the car.
"I guess its alright, as long as it doesn't turn into a party like last night!" Her mother said as she shook her head disapprovingly. "You're still grounded, don't forget that. The only reason I'm letting your French friend come over is because she needs your help." Her mother lectured her.
"Yes, mother." Sandra replied, not wanting to start an argument.
"Call her and see if she needs a ride." Her mother handed Sandra her cell phone.
After digging through her purse, she finally found the number and called Imene. Sandra asked about getting picked up and Imene said yes. Sandra's mother made her way toward Imene's house with the help of Imene's directions.
When the girls got to Sandra's house they ran straight upstairs. Sandra closed and locked her door as Imene pulled out her laptop. Imene plugged it in as it loaded up. Sandra hopped onto the bed and propped some pillows behind her to lean on.
"So, have you made a decision?" Imene asked anxiously, typing her password into the log on screen.
"I think so." Sandra said with a sly smile.
"Well, whatever you do, just make the best of your decision. Okay?" Imene said as she passed the laptop to Sandra, who went straight to her email. She smiled as she saw Katie's email address.
Sandra,
So far, Puerto Rico is amazing! It's so beautiful. One of my mom's new boyfriends (yes, I said "ONE of") took us on a tour of the city we're in. It's called Old San Juan. He brought us to a really pretty beach. I forget the name of it, but my mom bought me a new bathing suit today. It's super cute. It's white with a pink Lily on the front left of the top and on the back of the bottom.
My mom's boyfriend is pretty cute. His name is Samuel (pronounced sam-well). He has a six pack. He gives tours of a bunch of different cities for a living. Some of the museums were interesting, but you know me, they got boring really quickly. I haven't met her other boyfriends yet, I've just seen her hanging at the pool with them.
Anyway, John is great! He asked me out on a date to some sushi restaurant. I forget the name, I was barely paying attention to what he said! Haha...It was dragonfly something or butterfly something or other. But either way, my mom said no at first because she was being paranoid about those girls that go missing while on vacation. Samuel was with my mom at the time (she was sitting by the pool and he was giving her a shoulder massage) and he suggested that they go with us, as a double date! Of course, my mom agreed, and John had no problem at all with it! We had a really good time. My mom hit on John a few times when she started getting tipsy. It was kind of funny, but kind of embarrassing. I think John liked it! Either that, or he's a very good sport. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Tell me what's going on with you! I hope you called Jimmy, if not I'm going to be so mad!
Heart you and mish you! xoxo
*Katie
Sandra watched her bedroom door for a moment before beginning to type her response. She wanted to make sure her mom wouldn't come walking in as Sandra was typing. Imene finished her math homework as she sat beside Sandra.
Katie,
It sounds like you're having so much fun! You better be taking lots of pictures so I can live vicariously through you! I can't wait until you get back, I feel like I'm missing part of myself without you. Especially since I haven't been talking to Jimmy. I really miss him. I tried to stay strong, but I guess I got used to having him around with his whole goofy personality.
My mom has been acting kind of nicer to me lately. I think it's because the appointment is tomorrow. I wonder how mad she'll be when she finds out I don't want to. I hope they don't kick me out or anything, I'm not that ready to leave yet. Well, sorry this is so short, but I don't want my mom to catch me on here. She'd probably have a cow. Send me pictures with your next email!
Heart you and mish you! xOx
Sandra*
It was Tuesday afternoon, and Jimmy still had a headache. His hangover was lasting much longer today than it usually did. He figured it had a lot to do with the fact that he drank a lot more than he usually does the night before. Opening the bottle of rapid release pain relievers, he popped three in his mouth, swallowing them dry.
"Man, that's sick." Vinny said, watching Jimmy from the office door.
"They're gelcaps, they go down pretty easy." Jimmy defended himself as he leaned over a Mitsubishi Eclipse to look under the hood. "Speaking of which, how come you haven't seemed to have a hangover at all and you drank more than me?" Jimmy asked accusingly.
"I'm at my peak of twenty five. I have enough experience to be able to handle my liquor." Vinny said, boasting.
"And when you turn twenty six, you won't be able to drink a beer without feeling it the next day." Jimmy said, laughing.
"Har har, what a joker." Vinny mocked as he took a sip of his soda.
"I dreamt I called Sandra last night." Jimmy said as he turned a wrench.
"That was no dream buddy." Vinny said, walking over and patting Jimmy on the back. "Actually, you called her a few times."
"And she didn't pick up?" Jimmy asked disappointedly.
"You said it went straight to voicemail. I tried to take the phone from you, but by the time I finally got it from you, you'd already left three messages. You were like a crazy broad. Every message was a different emotion." Vinny said laughing.
"Oh no." Jimmy groaned as he put his hand over his face. "Please tell me you're fucking with me." Jimmy said painfully, without opening his eyes.
"Man, I really wish I were." Vinny said, handing Jimmy a soda.
"And by the way, why didn't you tell me Courtney was all over you?" Vinny said with a sly smile.
"Because I want to forget about it." Jimmy said, hoping Vinny wouldn't keep talking about it.
"What?" Vinny asked incredulously. "Man, I'd give anything for Courtney to even look at me for more than four seconds!"
"I think she's gross. Her and her four friends. She's like a piranha, all of them are. The instant they smell fresh meat, they attack." Jimmy said, using his hands to illustrate his theory.
"Well, I wouldn't mind getting attacked by any piranha as hot as any of those girls." Vinny said with a whistle at the end. "Amber, Courtney, Bridget, Diana, or Felicity." Vinny spoke as if he were picturing them as he said their names.
"Whatever." Jimmy said, trying to end the conversation. "I only want Sandra."
"Blah blah blah." Vinny said loudly.
As Vinny and Jimmy locked up the garage, Vinny invited Jimmy over to play some cards. Jimmy agreed, reluctantly, hoping Vinny hadn't also invited the "piranha sorority". As much as Vinny denied inviting them, Jimmy knew it was extremely unlikely that Vinny wouldn't invite them. The girls were always with Vinny and his other friends.
When Jimmy and Vinny arrived at Vinny's apartment, he knew before the car was even parked that the five girls he wanted to see least were already there. Bridget's Firebird was parked on the street in front of the apartment building. Jimmy knew the girls had an extra key to Vinny's. Vinny would do anything for any of them if they looked at him in a way that made him think he had a chance at getting with one of them. It was too late for Jimmy to turn around now, Vinny had driven him and Jimmy was too tired to walk the two miles back to his car. Jimmy sighed heavily as he followed Vinny up the stairs and tried to pretend that he wasn't too disappointed the girls were there.
"Hey Jimmy!" The girls shouted, almost in unison. It was obvious they had already started drinking.
Through the night, more people showed up. By the time people stopped showing up there were about fifteen people in Vinny's apartment. That was at about ten o'clock. Around that time was when Bridget started following Jimmy around. Jimmy tried to ignore her as much as possible, but she was making it difficult. She kept trying to hold his hand and he kept pulling his hand away.
"I'm not single." He turned and said sternly.
"Honestly, I really don't care." Bridget said with a slur.
Jimmy thought of Sandra. He reached into his pocket looking for his phone. Maybe he'd call her. It wasn't in his pocket. Jimmy froze as he tried to think of where it would be. He asked Vinny and a few other people, but no one had seen it. Jimmy went into Vinny's guest bedroom, hoping it didn't end up in there. As he was walking out the door to the living room, Bridget rushed into him. Jimmy dropped his bottle of Guinness as she wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to kiss him while he was pulling away.
Sandra sat at home. It was Tuesday night, Imene had already gone home. It was almost eleven o'clock and Sandra couldn't sleep. She wanted to call Jimmy so bad. She missed hearing his voice, smelling his cologne, being wrapped up in his arms.
"I'm going to do it." Sandra decided out loud as she got out of bed and tip toed down stairs. She found her mother's purse and fished through it until Sandra found her cell phone. The minute she turned it on it started buzzing, letting her know she had four voicemails. She dialed her voicemail.
The first message was Jimmy, the morning after the fight. "Hey Sandra. I really want to apologize for how I acted last night. I'm sorry, I was barely even awake." There was a short silence as he was probably thinking of what to say next. "Well, just call me back. I miss you. Even though it's only been a few hours, just the thought of not seeing you soon hurts. I hope you call. Bye."
Sandra smiled as she deleted the message and played the next.
"Sandra!" Jimmy slurred, the background was very noisy. "Pick up the phone! I know you're there. You can't ignore me forever. You know you love me. Okay, call me back."
Sandra almost laughed as she saved that message for blackmail and played the next one.
"I'm sorry!" Jimmy slurred emotionally. "Don't leave me Sandra, I am nothing without you!" Sandra could hear Vinny in the background trying to take the phone. The message stopped there.
"Sorry that Vinny hung up on you. Anyway, who do you think you are? You think you can just ignore me? You need me! It's not the other way around." Jimmy tried to sound angry. "I think." He started to sound a little confused. He kept losing his train of thought through the whole message. "Anyway, like I was saying. I need you. So call me back."
That was the last message. Sandra couldn't stop smiling as she hung up the call. Now, she couldn't wait to talk to him. She went back to her room and dialed Jimmy's number. After a few seconds of her finger hovering over the call button, she finally pressed it. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it were fluttering. She thought of what she'd say.
'Jimmy, I decided I don't care about anything but you and this baby. I want you to come get me and we can run so far away that no one will ever find us and we can be happy together and have a family.'
No, that sounded too corny. The phone was on it's second ring. Sandra decided just to let the words come out however they may. Hopefully, he'd understand her. A smile grew on her face as she thought of how happy Jimmy would be to hear her voice. Her smile disappeared instantly as she heard a voice on the other line.
"Hello?" A woman answered.
"Who is this?" Sandra asked with unintentional attitude.
"This is Courtney, who is this?" The girl asked just as nasty.
"Sandra, I'm looking for Jimmy." Sandra tried to keep her voice low.
"He's busy." Courtney said slowly. Sandra heard someone yell Jimmy's name in the background.
"Jimmy, don't touch me like that! You know I'm not that type of girl." The girl in the background laughed. "You already got me all wet with your beer! Now it's time to make up for it."
"I already told you, Bridget. And to be clear I know exactly what type of girl you are." Jimmy began to say something else, but it was cut off as Courtney hung up the phone. Sandra fell back into bed. Tears were filling up her eyes as she tried not to cry. He couldn't really have moved on that quickly could he? Maybe he was just playing Sandra all along. Just as Sandra got up to bring the phone back downstairs, it rang. Looking at the caller ID, she realized it was Jimmy.
Jimmy shoved Bridget off of him forcefully as she screamed ridiculous statements about what kind of girl she was and his spilled beer. It was getting really annoying. Jimmy didn't know how much more he could take. Obviously these girls wouldn't get the hint as long as Jimmy was nice to them. He tried to be their friend, but they were way too aggressive for him.
"I already told you, Bridget. And to be clear I know exactly what type of girl you are." Jimmy yelled back. "I told you to get off of me. I don't want anything to do with you, or Courtney or any of you for that matter!"
Bridget's face turned white with fear as Jimmy's face turned red with anger.
"I want you and all your skanky friends to keep your hands off of me and stay ten feet away from me at all times! Do you understand that?" Jimmy said threateningly.
Bridget just nodded her head with her jaw ajar. She didn't say another word to him as she turned and walked toward the door. Setting her drink on the table, she gave Vinny a hug. The whole room was silent and stared at Jimmy.
"I'll see you later, Vin." Bridget said with a shaky voice.
Amber, Diana, and Felicity all followed, giving Jimmy a stare of death. They each gave Vinny a hug and kiss on the cheek as they thanked him for inviting them. Courtney walked up to Jimmy before following in her friends footsteps.
"I thought you were nice, but you really are just an ass." Courtney said, looking him up and down disgustedly. "I found your phone on the coffee table." She slammed the phone into his hand.
Jimmy looked at the phone and saw that it was blinking. He opened it and read the front screen. It said 'call ended: Sandra'. Looking at his call log, he realized Sandra had called not more than a few moments ago, and someone answered. The call lasted almost two minutes.
"Fuck." Jimmy muttered to himself as he pulled on his jacket and rushed out the door, holding the phone to his ear. Sandra answered, she sounded upset. He didn't notice anyone calling his name as he slammed the door shut, angry with Vinny.
"Sandra!" Jimmy exclaimed with a smile. "Darlin', you called!" He almost jumped for joy.
"Yeah." Sandra sniffled. "The abortion is tomorrow, I just thought you should know." Sandra said in a soft voice.
"You're definitely doing it?" Jimmy asked as he walked toward the garage.
"I guess. I don't know." Sandra's voice started to break. "We'll find out tomorrow, my mom's taking me. Goodnight Jimmy, I have to go."
"Sandra," Jimmy wanted to console her. There was a silence on the line for a few seconds as if she were waiting for him to speak. Then he heard the beep and his phone blinked 'call ended: Sandra'. Jimmy walked to his car. He got there about midnight. After seriously considering sleeping in the garage for the night, Jimmy turned the key in the ignition of his car and drove home. He decided he wasn't going to work the next day.
chapter 9
Sandra woke up the next morning wishing she hadn't. She had the war dream again. She couldn't remember much, except staring at the brick wall as it shook. It seemed like it were trying it's hardest to withstand whatever blows were being thrown at it from the other side. She saw the commander who was bent over trying to stop another soldier from bleeding.
"What are we fighting for?" She remembered asking.
"Everything that we hold dear." The commander said without looking away from the patient.
Sandra considered the commander's answer as she sluggishly got up to get dressed. It was like her body was protesting against getting ready, as if her body knew what she were about to do. Sandra turned as she heard her door open a little more. It was Gwen. Sandra just stared at her, waiting for whatever Gwen was going to say.
"I just wanted to say," Gwen started, walking toward her. "I know I'm a major bitch a lot of the time, but I really think you're doing the right thing today, Sandra." Gwen rubbed Sandra's upper arm as she spoke. "I mean, one of us has to go to college right? Neither of us want to end up like Amber." Gwen smiled. She leaned in to give Sandra a hug. Sandra wrapped her arms around Gwen but didn't reciprocate the feelings. When Gwen pulled away, Sandra faked a smile.
"Well, time for me to get ready." She said in her sugary sweet voice as she turned to pull on her jeans.
The whole morning, all Sandra could think about was how to tell her mom that she wanted to keep the baby. She kept trying to say it but kept getting too nervous. Sandra's mom left the car in the driveway and they took the bus there. Too busy thinking of how to tell her mom what she wanted, she didn't pay attention to what bus they were on and what stop they got off at.
They walked into the clinic and as Sandra walked through the double doors, she felt her stomach turn instantly. This isn't where she wanted to be. Why couldn't she just say this out loud? What was she scared of? Instead of acting on her brain's command to tell her mom everything, she just sat down as her mom signed them in.
Sandra picked up a large journal looking book. As she opened it she realized it was a journal. A journal for girls that were here and how they felt. Sandra found herself so mesmerized, she read a few entries.
The first was a girl that couldn't wait to have the abortion. She felt that this baby was ruining her life. Being on the pill, she didn't think she'd get pregnant but apparently she was a part of that point one percent. Her parents never even knew she was pregnant and they'd probably never find out.
The next was a girl who was confused. She didn't really know what she wanted. Her mind kept going back and forth between getting up to leave and staying. Her boyfriend wanted the baby, but she wasn't sure either of them were ready for the responsibility. Then again, maybe it was fate that brought her this baby. Maybe she was meant to be thrown into motherhood. She decided to get up and leave.
Sandra began to flip through the stories of these women who were here for different reasons. Some were here because they didn't want a baby, or they didn't want to be stuck with their boyfriend, some didn't know why they were here, and some didn't even want to be here. Some women were even here because they cheated on their significant other. One story caught Sandra's eye.
It was someone who brought their niece. Their niece wanted to be here, but the aunt wanted to tell her story. When she was seventeen, she got pregnant. Her parents made her get an abortion. They promised her a lot of things if she got the abortion, and then when it was over, they pretended like they didn't know what she was talking about.
She recently turned forty. Sometimes, she still looks at her two grown children and thinks there should be three. It's enough to make her cry every once and a while. She tried to convince her niece not to do it, she offered to take the baby when it was born. Her niece didn't want to hear any of it. Sandra noticed a few wrinkles on the page. They looked like drops of water hit it. Sandra imagined the woman was crying as she wrote.
"What are you reading?" Sandra jumped as her mother spoke.
"It's like a journal for people who come through here." Sandra looked up at her mother.
She looked back at the book and bit her lip. It felt as if she were staring through the book rather than at it. The words began to blur. In her mind, she kept telling her mother that she wanted to leave, but for some reason the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. When her hands started shaking, she began biting her fingernails. Finally, she said it.
"What if I don't want to do it?" Sandra asked, her mouth feeling parched. She wouldn't look up at her mother, afraid of what her mother would say.
"Do what?" Her mother asked obliviously.
"This." Sandra almost whispered, finally looking at her mother.
Her mother was reading a magazine and didn't even look up before speaking.
"It's too late, we're here." Her mother said calmly as she turned a page.
"But you said if I didn't want to, I didn't have to." Sandra said, her voice shaking.
"Well it doesn't matter anymore. We signed in, we can't just leave now." Her mother looked at her for a moment but turned her gaze back toward the magazine.
Sandra's eyes began to feel wet, but she was determined not to cry. She stared at the book, flipping the pages as she pretended to read. Wanting to leave, she looked around the room searching for an exit. She stared at the red exit sign, thinking about her plan of escape.
The bus would be a good escape, the only problem was she couldn't remember where the bus stop was and she didn't know the schedule. Walking was a bad idea, she'd for sure get lost. Contrary to the illusion, there was no escape. She was stuck. Sandra picked the journal back up and began flipping through it to occupy her time.
"This one lady said she got an abortion when she didn't really want to and she still cries about it. It's been over twenty years and she still gets upset." Sandra tried to defend her position.
"Well, you're not going to be a baby like that lady, are you?" Her mother asked coldly. Her mother looked back at her for a few seconds before taking the journal out of her hands.
"You don't need to be reading this. This appointment is about you, not people who wrote things down in a stupid book." Her mother put the book on the far side of the table before putting her attention back on the magazine.
They didn't speak again for a long time. Sandra looked at the clock and realized it had only been thirty minutes since they got there. Her mother focused all her attention on the magazine, trying to ignore the fact that Sandra was upset. Sandra pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on top of them. She hid her face in her arms and started to cry. As quiet as she tried to be, her mother noticed.
"I know this is a hard thing to go through, but don't you think this is the best thing for everyone?" She asked her question softly.
"No." Sandra said without hesitation and without looking up. Her mother rubbed her back for a few seconds.
"Well, it is. Even if you don't believe it, it really is." Her mother said it toward Sandra, but sounded as if she were speaking more to herself than Sandra. Her mother stopped rubbing Sandra's back, unsure of what to do. Sandra sulked for the next fifteen minutes, still not looking at her mother, as the nurse called people in to speak with the counselor. Finally, the nurse called for them. Sandra walked into the counselor's office with her mother close behind.
"Please, have a seat." The counselor said as she sat behind her desk. "You both understand why you have to speak with me before going through with the procedure, correct?" She asked, putting on a pair of glasses. Before Sandra or her mother could answer, the woman continued.
"Basically, I'm here to make sure this is the decision the patient wants to make, not anyone else. For instance, the patient's mother." The counselor looked up at Sandra's mom briefly as she added her last sentence. "So, this is your decision, Sandra?"
"No." Sandra said, trying not to shake.
"She needs to do this!" Sandra's mother interrupted her.
"Mrs. Gallagher, this is about Sandra. Why do you want to keep the baby, Sandra?" She asked, paying full attention.
"I don't know exactly. I just know I don't want to get an abortion." Sandra said, avoiding eye contact.
"Well, what do you think of the father? Is he going to stick around and support your decision? Are there any plans of marriage?" The counselor asked, looking at a piece of paper as she wrote things down.
"I think he'll stick around, but no definite plans." Sandra began to speak, but she was cut off by her mother.
"She told me she doesn't know if he'll stick around. He probably won't. She doesn't even know how to be a mother. She told me she's scared and doesn't know what to do. She needs to get an abortion. She needs to go to college." Her mother was trying not to raise her voice too much.
"Did you tell your mother all of this, Sandra?" The counselor asked, lowering her glasses. Sandra realized her mother was doing what she did best, being charismatic and getting people on her side.
"Well, kind of." Sandra said, trying not to cry. "But that doesn't mean things haven't changed." Sandra said, trying to keep her voice steady.
"You need to do this Sandra!" Her mother said it sternly.
"Mrs. Gallagher, we aren't here to force anyone to have an abortion, so you both need to go back to the waiting room and discuss this. Let the nurse know when you are ready to come back in." She ushered the two of them out of the room.
As they sat there, Sandra wouldn't look at her mother. Feeling betrayed, she crossed her arms across her chest. She could feel her mother staring at her and in her head she kept screaming at her mother not to talk to her. How could she use what Sandra said against her? Sandra spoke to her mother in confidence, finally feeling as if her mother actually cared. She didn't. Her mother was just looking for ammo for this situation.
"Sandra, this is for your own good." Sandra ignored her. "Don't you think this is the best thing?" She asked again. Sandra said no in her head, but knew there was no use in saying it out loud.
The tears began rolling down Sandra's cheeks. Sandra was silent, although looking at her, anyone would almost feel her anguish. She wished Jimmy were here, then she wished Katie were here. Then, she really just wished she were anywhere but here.
"Sandra, don't you think this is the best thing?" Her mother asked a few minutes later, trying not to let Sandra ignore her.
Sandra looked at the clock. They had been here for about an hour and fifteen minutes. All they had accomplished was arguing. Sandra wondered how long it would take for her mother to give in and just bring her home. She kept imagining how it would happen, her mother would just magically understand what Sandra was feeling and support Sandra in keeping the baby. She knew it was far fetched, but couldn't help wishing.
Every few minutes, Sandra's mom would ask her the same question. It was like clockwork. Every time her mother asked, Sandra ignored her. As many times as her mother tried to justify why Sandra should do it, Sandra just ignored her. She thought of retorts and she thought of reasons why she shouldn't get the abortion, but she wouldn't give her mother anymore ammunition. After about thirty minutes of Sandra ignoring her mother, her mother began to get agitated.
"I just really don't understand why you don't want to get an abortion." She said, audibly upset.
"Because I don't believe in it!" Sandra snapped. "I don't believe in abortions. I feel like I'd be killing a person." Sandra cried even louder as she yelled at her mom.
Her mom backed down and stayed silent for a long while. She wouldn't look at Sandra as Sandra just sat next to her and cried. She didn't attempt to console Sandra in any way, she just picked up another magazine and began flipping through it. Sandra felt resentment toward her mother at that moment. She felt resentment toward anyone who made their own decisions. Sandra wished she were stronger willed.
Sandra's mother closed the magazine and looked at Sandra. She took a breath as if she were going to say something, but decided against it. After four times, Sandra got annoyed.
"What?" Sandra asked, without looking at her mother.
"I still think this is the best thing for you." Sandra's mother said, obviously determined to stay on the same road and pretend Sandra hadn't said anything. "Don't you?"
Sandra scoffed at her mother's ignorance. She couldn't believe her mother didn't care. Her mother was always talking about how beliefs are so important and to stick by them. Sandra guessed now was a different story because her beliefs went against her mother's.
Sandra didn't know exactly at what point her mother began to break her down. All she knew was that at about the three hour mark, she started to think that maybe she should just do it. She knew she didn't want to, but maybe her mother was right. She was sick of arguing, of sitting in this waiting room. Sandra was hungry and tired. Just wanting to go home, she gave up.
"Don't you think this is the best thing?" Her mother asked, sounding almost robotic.
"Yes." Sandra heard herself say it as her mind screamed at her to not do it.
"Okay." Her mother said with a smile, sounding surprised. "So, go in to the counselor and tell her it's your decision." Her mother urged her out of the chair, happily.
Sandra went in and told the counselor. The counselor looked at her skeptically, but led her to the operating room. She handed her the smock to put on after she got undressed. The doctor came in and had her sit on the table. Sandra flinched as she put her feet in the cold stirrups. The anesthesiologist came in. After both of the doctors spoke a lot about things Sandra didn't understand, they walked out as a nurse came in.
The nurse put a cold gel on Sandra's stomach and began to do an ultrasound. Sandra's eyes welled up as she heard what sounded like a heartbeat. She craned her neck trying to see the screen.
"Can I see?" Sandra asked, looking at the nurse.
The nurse smiled as she slowly turned the screen toward Sandra. Sandra looked at the screen and saw one spot pulsing. She felt speechless. The nurse pointed at the spot that was pulsing.
"You see that right there?" She asked. Before Sandra could respond, the doctor came in.
"That will be all." The doctor said coldly to the nurse.
"I was just," The nurse began to explain.
"I know what you were doing and I'll speak to you after this." The doctor said, waiting for the nurse to leave.
When the nurse left, the doctor sat in the chair. She turned the screen away from Sandra. Sandra's heart began to speed up as she began to wish she didn't give in to her mother. The anesthesiologist came in and hooked up her I.V.
"You'll start to feel really tired in a few minutes and then you'll just fall asleep." The anesthesiologist said with a smile as she adjusted something on the I.V.
The doctor watched the ultrasound for a few minutes, almost studying it. Sandra didn't like the doctor, she seemed very uncaring. Sandra began to find it difficult to keep her eyes open and her fingertips began to tingle. She wanted to change her mind. Resisting the urge to close her eyes she tried to tell the doctor that she didn't want to do it anymore. All she managed to do was say 'no'. The last thing Sandra heard before falling asleep was the doctor's voice.
"Just a little pinch." The doctor's voice faded at the same time as Sandra's vision.
As Sandra opened her eyes, she sat in the middle of rubble as the cloud of dust surrounding her settled. Pulling her knees to her face, she stared into the distance where there was once a wall separating her from her enemy. There were no sounds, no yelling, no scrambling around, just the wind as it danced in the newly open space. She stood up and peered into the distance, looking to see who her enemy was. They were no where in sight. Why had they left her here?
Sandra turned as she saw something move out of the corner of her eye. It was the commander. Sandra rushed over and dropped to her knees beside the woman. The commander's face was caked with blood and dirt.
"How did this happen?" Sandra asked, trying not to feel too emotional.
"We were betrayed." The commander said slowly and painfully.
Sandra blinked for less than a second and as she opened her eyes it was like she traveled backward through time. She stood in front of the brick wall with people rushing in every which way and felt lost and scared. She began to feel anxious and craned her neck urgently searching for the commander. Finally, Sandra spotted her. She sprinted in that direction, dodging people and various objects strewn about.
"Commander!" Sandra cried as she leaned over to catch her breath. The commander kept her back to Sandra without replying, even so, Sandra continued speaking.
"You're fighting a losing battle! If you don't surrender we will all die!" Sandra cried, hoping the commander was listening.
"Never give up, never surrender!" The commander shouted without turning around.
"You cannot win this war, do you hear me?" Sandra pleaded.
"I will die trying." The commander said passionately, as she helped someone up who had fallen.
Sandra was inches away from the commander. All of a sudden, she realized her hand was wrapped around something. She looked down and saw a dagger of some sort in her hand. Sandra knew what she had to do to survive. She grabbed the commander by the shoulder. Pulling her around, Sandra buried the knife into her stomach just as the wall began to crumble.
It seemed to Sandra as if it were happening in slow motion. Sandra looked up at the commander's face and gasped at what she saw. Sandra stepped back as she looked at a mirror image of herself, both their faces twisted with pain and confusion. Sandra let out a sob as she tripped over a fallen soldier. Both girls fell at the same time. The only difference was that one of them sat back up and stared where the wall once was. As she gazed at the fallen wall, she no longer wondered who her enemy was. It was nobody's fault but her own. She was, in every sense of it, her own worst enemy.
With no one to guide them, the troops scrambled around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. Sandra pulled her knees up to her face and pushed them up against her eyes as she squeezed them closed. She knew this was a dream. It had to be. It had to be almost over.
"Wake up." Sandra whispered to herself.
"Wake up." She whimpered urgently.
"Wake up!" Sandra's eyes flew open as a large nurse tapped her leg. "It's time for you to go." The nurse said in a rather unsympathetic tone of voice.
Sandra sat up, shaking off the dizzy feeling the anesthesia left behind. The nurse brought her a large bag full of supplies. The nurse instructed Sandra on what to do with everything, but Sandra was barely listening. Wrapping her hand around the bag, Sandra just nodded her head. She got up out of the bed and slowly walked to the waiting room.
"What are we fighting for?" She remembered asking.
"Everything that we hold dear." The commander said without looking away from the patient.
Sandra considered the commander's answer as she sluggishly got up to get dressed. It was like her body was protesting against getting ready, as if her body knew what she were about to do. Sandra turned as she heard her door open a little more. It was Gwen. Sandra just stared at her, waiting for whatever Gwen was going to say.
"I just wanted to say," Gwen started, walking toward her. "I know I'm a major bitch a lot of the time, but I really think you're doing the right thing today, Sandra." Gwen rubbed Sandra's upper arm as she spoke. "I mean, one of us has to go to college right? Neither of us want to end up like Amber." Gwen smiled. She leaned in to give Sandra a hug. Sandra wrapped her arms around Gwen but didn't reciprocate the feelings. When Gwen pulled away, Sandra faked a smile.
"Well, time for me to get ready." She said in her sugary sweet voice as she turned to pull on her jeans.
The whole morning, all Sandra could think about was how to tell her mom that she wanted to keep the baby. She kept trying to say it but kept getting too nervous. Sandra's mom left the car in the driveway and they took the bus there. Too busy thinking of how to tell her mom what she wanted, she didn't pay attention to what bus they were on and what stop they got off at.
They walked into the clinic and as Sandra walked through the double doors, she felt her stomach turn instantly. This isn't where she wanted to be. Why couldn't she just say this out loud? What was she scared of? Instead of acting on her brain's command to tell her mom everything, she just sat down as her mom signed them in.
Sandra picked up a large journal looking book. As she opened it she realized it was a journal. A journal for girls that were here and how they felt. Sandra found herself so mesmerized, she read a few entries.
The first was a girl that couldn't wait to have the abortion. She felt that this baby was ruining her life. Being on the pill, she didn't think she'd get pregnant but apparently she was a part of that point one percent. Her parents never even knew she was pregnant and they'd probably never find out.
The next was a girl who was confused. She didn't really know what she wanted. Her mind kept going back and forth between getting up to leave and staying. Her boyfriend wanted the baby, but she wasn't sure either of them were ready for the responsibility. Then again, maybe it was fate that brought her this baby. Maybe she was meant to be thrown into motherhood. She decided to get up and leave.
Sandra began to flip through the stories of these women who were here for different reasons. Some were here because they didn't want a baby, or they didn't want to be stuck with their boyfriend, some didn't know why they were here, and some didn't even want to be here. Some women were even here because they cheated on their significant other. One story caught Sandra's eye.
It was someone who brought their niece. Their niece wanted to be here, but the aunt wanted to tell her story. When she was seventeen, she got pregnant. Her parents made her get an abortion. They promised her a lot of things if she got the abortion, and then when it was over, they pretended like they didn't know what she was talking about.
She recently turned forty. Sometimes, she still looks at her two grown children and thinks there should be three. It's enough to make her cry every once and a while. She tried to convince her niece not to do it, she offered to take the baby when it was born. Her niece didn't want to hear any of it. Sandra noticed a few wrinkles on the page. They looked like drops of water hit it. Sandra imagined the woman was crying as she wrote.
"What are you reading?" Sandra jumped as her mother spoke.
"It's like a journal for people who come through here." Sandra looked up at her mother.
She looked back at the book and bit her lip. It felt as if she were staring through the book rather than at it. The words began to blur. In her mind, she kept telling her mother that she wanted to leave, but for some reason the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. When her hands started shaking, she began biting her fingernails. Finally, she said it.
"What if I don't want to do it?" Sandra asked, her mouth feeling parched. She wouldn't look up at her mother, afraid of what her mother would say.
"Do what?" Her mother asked obliviously.
"This." Sandra almost whispered, finally looking at her mother.
Her mother was reading a magazine and didn't even look up before speaking.
"It's too late, we're here." Her mother said calmly as she turned a page.
"But you said if I didn't want to, I didn't have to." Sandra said, her voice shaking.
"Well it doesn't matter anymore. We signed in, we can't just leave now." Her mother looked at her for a moment but turned her gaze back toward the magazine.
Sandra's eyes began to feel wet, but she was determined not to cry. She stared at the book, flipping the pages as she pretended to read. Wanting to leave, she looked around the room searching for an exit. She stared at the red exit sign, thinking about her plan of escape.
The bus would be a good escape, the only problem was she couldn't remember where the bus stop was and she didn't know the schedule. Walking was a bad idea, she'd for sure get lost. Contrary to the illusion, there was no escape. She was stuck. Sandra picked the journal back up and began flipping through it to occupy her time.
"This one lady said she got an abortion when she didn't really want to and she still cries about it. It's been over twenty years and she still gets upset." Sandra tried to defend her position.
"Well, you're not going to be a baby like that lady, are you?" Her mother asked coldly. Her mother looked back at her for a few seconds before taking the journal out of her hands.
"You don't need to be reading this. This appointment is about you, not people who wrote things down in a stupid book." Her mother put the book on the far side of the table before putting her attention back on the magazine.
They didn't speak again for a long time. Sandra looked at the clock and realized it had only been thirty minutes since they got there. Her mother focused all her attention on the magazine, trying to ignore the fact that Sandra was upset. Sandra pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on top of them. She hid her face in her arms and started to cry. As quiet as she tried to be, her mother noticed.
"I know this is a hard thing to go through, but don't you think this is the best thing for everyone?" She asked her question softly.
"No." Sandra said without hesitation and without looking up. Her mother rubbed her back for a few seconds.
"Well, it is. Even if you don't believe it, it really is." Her mother said it toward Sandra, but sounded as if she were speaking more to herself than Sandra. Her mother stopped rubbing Sandra's back, unsure of what to do. Sandra sulked for the next fifteen minutes, still not looking at her mother, as the nurse called people in to speak with the counselor. Finally, the nurse called for them. Sandra walked into the counselor's office with her mother close behind.
"Please, have a seat." The counselor said as she sat behind her desk. "You both understand why you have to speak with me before going through with the procedure, correct?" She asked, putting on a pair of glasses. Before Sandra or her mother could answer, the woman continued.
"Basically, I'm here to make sure this is the decision the patient wants to make, not anyone else. For instance, the patient's mother." The counselor looked up at Sandra's mom briefly as she added her last sentence. "So, this is your decision, Sandra?"
"No." Sandra said, trying not to shake.
"She needs to do this!" Sandra's mother interrupted her.
"Mrs. Gallagher, this is about Sandra. Why do you want to keep the baby, Sandra?" She asked, paying full attention.
"I don't know exactly. I just know I don't want to get an abortion." Sandra said, avoiding eye contact.
"Well, what do you think of the father? Is he going to stick around and support your decision? Are there any plans of marriage?" The counselor asked, looking at a piece of paper as she wrote things down.
"I think he'll stick around, but no definite plans." Sandra began to speak, but she was cut off by her mother.
"She told me she doesn't know if he'll stick around. He probably won't. She doesn't even know how to be a mother. She told me she's scared and doesn't know what to do. She needs to get an abortion. She needs to go to college." Her mother was trying not to raise her voice too much.
"Did you tell your mother all of this, Sandra?" The counselor asked, lowering her glasses. Sandra realized her mother was doing what she did best, being charismatic and getting people on her side.
"Well, kind of." Sandra said, trying not to cry. "But that doesn't mean things haven't changed." Sandra said, trying to keep her voice steady.
"You need to do this Sandra!" Her mother said it sternly.
"Mrs. Gallagher, we aren't here to force anyone to have an abortion, so you both need to go back to the waiting room and discuss this. Let the nurse know when you are ready to come back in." She ushered the two of them out of the room.
As they sat there, Sandra wouldn't look at her mother. Feeling betrayed, she crossed her arms across her chest. She could feel her mother staring at her and in her head she kept screaming at her mother not to talk to her. How could she use what Sandra said against her? Sandra spoke to her mother in confidence, finally feeling as if her mother actually cared. She didn't. Her mother was just looking for ammo for this situation.
"Sandra, this is for your own good." Sandra ignored her. "Don't you think this is the best thing?" She asked again. Sandra said no in her head, but knew there was no use in saying it out loud.
The tears began rolling down Sandra's cheeks. Sandra was silent, although looking at her, anyone would almost feel her anguish. She wished Jimmy were here, then she wished Katie were here. Then, she really just wished she were anywhere but here.
"Sandra, don't you think this is the best thing?" Her mother asked a few minutes later, trying not to let Sandra ignore her.
Sandra looked at the clock. They had been here for about an hour and fifteen minutes. All they had accomplished was arguing. Sandra wondered how long it would take for her mother to give in and just bring her home. She kept imagining how it would happen, her mother would just magically understand what Sandra was feeling and support Sandra in keeping the baby. She knew it was far fetched, but couldn't help wishing.
Every few minutes, Sandra's mom would ask her the same question. It was like clockwork. Every time her mother asked, Sandra ignored her. As many times as her mother tried to justify why Sandra should do it, Sandra just ignored her. She thought of retorts and she thought of reasons why she shouldn't get the abortion, but she wouldn't give her mother anymore ammunition. After about thirty minutes of Sandra ignoring her mother, her mother began to get agitated.
"I just really don't understand why you don't want to get an abortion." She said, audibly upset.
"Because I don't believe in it!" Sandra snapped. "I don't believe in abortions. I feel like I'd be killing a person." Sandra cried even louder as she yelled at her mom.
Her mom backed down and stayed silent for a long while. She wouldn't look at Sandra as Sandra just sat next to her and cried. She didn't attempt to console Sandra in any way, she just picked up another magazine and began flipping through it. Sandra felt resentment toward her mother at that moment. She felt resentment toward anyone who made their own decisions. Sandra wished she were stronger willed.
Sandra's mother closed the magazine and looked at Sandra. She took a breath as if she were going to say something, but decided against it. After four times, Sandra got annoyed.
"What?" Sandra asked, without looking at her mother.
"I still think this is the best thing for you." Sandra's mother said, obviously determined to stay on the same road and pretend Sandra hadn't said anything. "Don't you?"
Sandra scoffed at her mother's ignorance. She couldn't believe her mother didn't care. Her mother was always talking about how beliefs are so important and to stick by them. Sandra guessed now was a different story because her beliefs went against her mother's.
Sandra didn't know exactly at what point her mother began to break her down. All she knew was that at about the three hour mark, she started to think that maybe she should just do it. She knew she didn't want to, but maybe her mother was right. She was sick of arguing, of sitting in this waiting room. Sandra was hungry and tired. Just wanting to go home, she gave up.
"Don't you think this is the best thing?" Her mother asked, sounding almost robotic.
"Yes." Sandra heard herself say it as her mind screamed at her to not do it.
"Okay." Her mother said with a smile, sounding surprised. "So, go in to the counselor and tell her it's your decision." Her mother urged her out of the chair, happily.
Sandra went in and told the counselor. The counselor looked at her skeptically, but led her to the operating room. She handed her the smock to put on after she got undressed. The doctor came in and had her sit on the table. Sandra flinched as she put her feet in the cold stirrups. The anesthesiologist came in. After both of the doctors spoke a lot about things Sandra didn't understand, they walked out as a nurse came in.
The nurse put a cold gel on Sandra's stomach and began to do an ultrasound. Sandra's eyes welled up as she heard what sounded like a heartbeat. She craned her neck trying to see the screen.
"Can I see?" Sandra asked, looking at the nurse.
The nurse smiled as she slowly turned the screen toward Sandra. Sandra looked at the screen and saw one spot pulsing. She felt speechless. The nurse pointed at the spot that was pulsing.
"You see that right there?" She asked. Before Sandra could respond, the doctor came in.
"That will be all." The doctor said coldly to the nurse.
"I was just," The nurse began to explain.
"I know what you were doing and I'll speak to you after this." The doctor said, waiting for the nurse to leave.
When the nurse left, the doctor sat in the chair. She turned the screen away from Sandra. Sandra's heart began to speed up as she began to wish she didn't give in to her mother. The anesthesiologist came in and hooked up her I.V.
"You'll start to feel really tired in a few minutes and then you'll just fall asleep." The anesthesiologist said with a smile as she adjusted something on the I.V.
The doctor watched the ultrasound for a few minutes, almost studying it. Sandra didn't like the doctor, she seemed very uncaring. Sandra began to find it difficult to keep her eyes open and her fingertips began to tingle. She wanted to change her mind. Resisting the urge to close her eyes she tried to tell the doctor that she didn't want to do it anymore. All she managed to do was say 'no'. The last thing Sandra heard before falling asleep was the doctor's voice.
"Just a little pinch." The doctor's voice faded at the same time as Sandra's vision.
As Sandra opened her eyes, she sat in the middle of rubble as the cloud of dust surrounding her settled. Pulling her knees to her face, she stared into the distance where there was once a wall separating her from her enemy. There were no sounds, no yelling, no scrambling around, just the wind as it danced in the newly open space. She stood up and peered into the distance, looking to see who her enemy was. They were no where in sight. Why had they left her here?
Sandra turned as she saw something move out of the corner of her eye. It was the commander. Sandra rushed over and dropped to her knees beside the woman. The commander's face was caked with blood and dirt.
"How did this happen?" Sandra asked, trying not to feel too emotional.
"We were betrayed." The commander said slowly and painfully.
Sandra blinked for less than a second and as she opened her eyes it was like she traveled backward through time. She stood in front of the brick wall with people rushing in every which way and felt lost and scared. She began to feel anxious and craned her neck urgently searching for the commander. Finally, Sandra spotted her. She sprinted in that direction, dodging people and various objects strewn about.
"Commander!" Sandra cried as she leaned over to catch her breath. The commander kept her back to Sandra without replying, even so, Sandra continued speaking.
"You're fighting a losing battle! If you don't surrender we will all die!" Sandra cried, hoping the commander was listening.
"Never give up, never surrender!" The commander shouted without turning around.
"You cannot win this war, do you hear me?" Sandra pleaded.
"I will die trying." The commander said passionately, as she helped someone up who had fallen.
Sandra was inches away from the commander. All of a sudden, she realized her hand was wrapped around something. She looked down and saw a dagger of some sort in her hand. Sandra knew what she had to do to survive. She grabbed the commander by the shoulder. Pulling her around, Sandra buried the knife into her stomach just as the wall began to crumble.
It seemed to Sandra as if it were happening in slow motion. Sandra looked up at the commander's face and gasped at what she saw. Sandra stepped back as she looked at a mirror image of herself, both their faces twisted with pain and confusion. Sandra let out a sob as she tripped over a fallen soldier. Both girls fell at the same time. The only difference was that one of them sat back up and stared where the wall once was. As she gazed at the fallen wall, she no longer wondered who her enemy was. It was nobody's fault but her own. She was, in every sense of it, her own worst enemy.
With no one to guide them, the troops scrambled around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. Sandra pulled her knees up to her face and pushed them up against her eyes as she squeezed them closed. She knew this was a dream. It had to be. It had to be almost over.
"Wake up." Sandra whispered to herself.
"Wake up." She whimpered urgently.
"Wake up!" Sandra's eyes flew open as a large nurse tapped her leg. "It's time for you to go." The nurse said in a rather unsympathetic tone of voice.
Sandra sat up, shaking off the dizzy feeling the anesthesia left behind. The nurse brought her a large bag full of supplies. The nurse instructed Sandra on what to do with everything, but Sandra was barely listening. Wrapping her hand around the bag, Sandra just nodded her head. She got up out of the bed and slowly walked to the waiting room.
chapter 10
When her mother saw her, she stood up.
"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" She asked with a smile as Sandra got close enough for her mother to put her arm around Sandra's shoulders.
Choking back the tears and anger that should have followed that question, Sandra simply smiled.
"No." She said without looking at her mother's face.
As they walked out the door, Sandra felt ambiguous about having her mother's arm around her shoulders. On the one hand, Sandra had always liked affection to be shown to her. On the other, she knew her mother was only trying to make up for forcing her to get an abortion.
"So, do you want to go out for lunch? We can have a girl's day out!" Her mother asked happily.
"No thanks." Sandra said, feeling numb.
"Well, you haven't gotten your nails done in a while. Let's go get manicures!" Her mom sounded slightly excited.
"I don't really feel like it." Sandra said, sounding very opposite of her mother's tone of voice.
Her mother took her arm off of Sandra as they got to the bus stop. She seemed very anxious. Even though her mother knew the schedule for the bus, she kept looking around to see if the bus was coming yet. Sandra sat on the bench, she felt weak and exhausted.
"Well, what do you want to do? Anything at all!" Her mother sat down next to her and was almost begging her.
"Anything?" Sandra asked, lifting her head up. "Anything at all?"
"Yes." Her mom said, smiling even wider.
"Then I want to go home and go to sleep." Sandra said looking up at her mother. She could see the pain in her mother's eyes at the icy tone of Sandra's voice. Part of her felt bad and wanted to apologize, a bigger part of her didn't care.
When she got home, Sandra went straight to her room. She collapsed onto the bed, burying her face in the pillow. She curled herself up into the fetal position and pulled the covers over herself. Then, for what she hoped would be last time, she cried. She almost screamed into her pillow, her body shook with her sobs. Being too exhausted to do anything else, she became quiet after a few moments. Tears rolled down her face until she fell asleep.
Sandra woke up to her mother shaking her shoulder. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was. She noticed right away that her pillow was still wet. All of a sudden, reality snapped back into place as Sandra sat up to see what her mother wanted. She looked at the clock to realize it was three o'clock.
"I made you some chicken noodle soup." Sandra's mother said, holding out a tray with a bowl of soup on it.
"I'm not hungry." Sandra tried to lie, but even her mother heard her stomach rumble.
"Oh," Her mother began speaking, seeming let down. "Well, I brought you your phone back. I figured that you don't have to be grounded for the rest of the week." Her mom handed Sandra her cellphone.
"Where has Katie been? I'm surprised that girl hasn't been knocking down the door trying to hang out with you." Her mother giggled as she stood up.
"Katie's in Puerto Rico with her mom." Sandra said, sounding monotone.
"Oh, well I hope she's having fun." Her mother smiled as she walked out.
Sandra turned on her phone. She knew who she wanted to call, but she didn't know what she wanted to say to him. He'd probably be happy, Sandra imagined. She dialed the numbers from memory and hit the call button. As she was waiting for him to answer, she cleared her throat.
"Sandra!" Jimmy said happily. "Can you meet me? There's a lot of stuff we need to talk about. I can't wait to see you." Jimmy was talking very quickly.
"I don't feel like going out today." Sandra said, trying not to be too upset.
"What's wrong? You sound sad." Jimmy said worried.
"Look Jimmy, I was really just calling to let you know that I got the abortion." Sandra blurted it out and waited for a response.
"You what?" Jimmy sounded dumbfounded. "But, I thought," Jimmy began to speak but became quiet. After a few seconds, Sandra heard a noise that unsettled her.
"Are you crying?" Sandra asked incredulously.
"No." Jimmy whimpered.
"Jimmy!" Sandra exclaimed, "Why are you crying?"
"I just didn't realize how badly I wanted you to keep the baby until this morning and you said your mom was taking you if you went. I drove by your house today and saw your mom's car so I thought you didn't do it and I got really excited." Jimmy blurted out.
Sandra could tell he was crying. She didn't know what to feel. All she knew at this moment was that she wasn't the only person who wanted this baby, she was never alone in this battle. Feeling as if her world were crumbling, she felt like she were having a panic attack.
"You mean, you wanted the baby?" Sandra asked, feeling as if all the blood had drained from her face.
"Yes, but I didn't want to make you keep it." Jimmy sniffled.
"Jimmy, I have to go. I'll call you later." Sandra hung up the phone without waiting for a response. She felt sick and she felt disgusted in herself. At this moment, Sandra truly wished she could just disappear. She threw herself back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.
It felt like Sandra had been laying there for only 15 minutes, but when she turned her head and looked at the clock, it was an hour later. She didn't feel like moving. Trying to hold her tears back, she kept silently asking herself 'why?'. There was no answer she could give herself that would make her feel better. In her eyes, no reason was good enough for taking another life, especially one so fragile and vulnerable.
She tried to push those thoughts out of her head. Sandra was determined not to cry again. Leaving her mind blank, she closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Too bad she wasn't tired anymore. Keeping her eyes closed, she tried to think of the future, of who she'd be. She imagined herself in college at first, but realized she only ever wanted to go to college to please her parents. All of a sudden, she was sick of pleasing her parents.
Sandra's eyes flew open as her bedroom door opened. It was her father. He stared at her for a few seconds before speaking.
"Dinner's ready." He said quietly.
"I'm not hungry." Sandra mumbled.
"Then just come sit with us, please." Her father closed the door before she could respond. Sandra took a deep breath and exhaled sharply as she threw the covers off herself. She slowly walked downstairs and sat at the bare table.
'Well, aren't you going to set the table?" Her father asked sounding agitated.
Without a word, Sandra stood up and got dishes and utensils to set the table. After putting cups out, she put a pile of napkins in the middle of the table.
The four of them sat down to eat as Sandra's mother put a roasted chicken and vegetables in the middle of the table beside the napkins. Everyone proceeded to take their serving of food, except for Sandra; her mother fixed her plate. They ate in silence for some time before anyone spoke. Sandra's father grabbed a napkin from the middle of the table and shot a look at Sandra.
"You know, you could have put the napkins beside the plates." He spoke as he wiped his face.
Sandra didn't answer, she just stared at the food her mother piled on her plate. She poked a piece of chicken with her fork. As hungry as she was, she didn't feel like eating. As her eyes were focused on her plate, her mind was focused elsewhere. She thought back to when things in her house were different.
It was the end of Sandra's first day of high school. She had gotten into the honors classes. She could remember barreling through the door, excited to tell everyone the news. The first person she saw was Amber. It was Amber's first day of her last year in high school. She had already gotten home and made herself a sandwich. Amber smiled as Sandra let the door slam behind her.
"Why are you so excited?" Amber asked curiously.
"I got honors classes!" Sandra squealed.
"Wow, impressive." Amber said before taking a bite of her sandwich as their parents walked in.
"What's going on?" Sandra's father asked with and inquisitive smile.
"Sandra got honors classes." Amber said, less excitedly than Sandra would have said it.
"And look!" Sandra cried, fishing through her bag. She pulled out an expensive graphing calculator. "They gave everyone in the math class a calculator!"
Sandra's father laughed as he walked over to her. He put his arm around her shoulder and looked at Sandra's mother.
"I never thought I'd have a daughter that would be so happy about a calculator."
Sandra was brought back to the present when she heard her mother gathering the dishes. That memory was just over three years ago, but it felt as if it were a different era. Everything had changed. It wasn't very long after that when Amber told her parents she was pregnant, dropping out of school, and moving out.
"You really should eat, Sandra." Her mother said as she picked up the last empty dish. Sandra was the only person left at the table, her dishes sat alone.
"I really don't feel well." Sandra mumbled as she got up from the table and walked to her room.
She got her laptop from her parents' room as she made her way to her own. With the laptop sitting on her bedside table, Sandra sat facing it with her legs crossed beneath her. She opened her email account. There was another email from Katie.
Sandra,
Things are going good here! I've attached some pictures, so you can stop hounding me about it! I can't wait to get home and hang out with you. If you were with me, I could stay here forever! It's so awesome! We are definitely going to have to plan a trip here someday.
Anyway, there isn't really anything new going on. My mom decided today would be a girl's day. We're going out to lunch and then laying out on the beach. We may go shopping and go to dinner together later too.
Speaking of mothers, how did things go when you told your mom? Was she mad? I'd be surprised if they didn't kick you out! You need to tell me all the drama!
Kisses,
Katie
Sandra let out half a smile as she read the first half. She was happy Katie was having such a great time. Her heart dropped as soon as she read the last paragraph. Sandra didn't know how to tell her that she didn't stick with her word. She wasn't scared that Katie would be mad, she knew that Katie always supported her decisions one hundred percent. Sandra felt ashamed of what she'd done, she really didn't want to tell anyone. Not knowing what to write back, Sandra closed the laptop and turned on her music. She closed her eyes as tight as possible and pretended that she was floating away.
She was so concentrated on trying to keep her mind clear that she didn't hear a knock at the front door or urgent footsteps on the stairs. She jumped and had to catch her breath when she heard someone pounding on her bedroom door. Without waiting for Sandra to answer, they opened the door and burst in. It was Imene.
"Are you okay?" Imene asked, sounding out of breath.
"I guess." Sandra tried to fake a smile, but her eyes began to well up again.
Imene jumped onto the bed next to her and wrapped her arms around Sandra's shoulders. After a minute of Sandra trying to hold her tears back, she gave up and leaned into Imene's arms.
"I was so stupid. I thought she actually cared." Sandra sniffled, referring to her mom.
"Of course she cares!" Imene pulled Sandra's hair out of her face.
"Then how could she make me do this? She practically strapped me down on the bed." Sandra became more upset as she spoke.
"I'm sure she did what she thought was best for you, because she cares." Imene replied.
Sandra didn't say anything, she didn't care if her mother thought it was the best thing. She didn't care if her mother's intentions were to do what was best for Sandra or even if her mother did it because she loves Sandra. Sandra knew these were all probably true statements; but the facts were that her mother didn't even listen to her, her mother didn't care what she had to say, how she felt, or what she believed, and in Sandra's mind, that was a good enough reason to be angry.
Imene pulled away and grabbed a tissue box from Sandra's night stand. Sandra pulled a tissue out of the box as she took a deep breath. After wiping her eyes, she crumpled the tissue in her hands. Staring at her hands, which were resting in her lap, Sandra let out a small laugh.
"I'm sorry for that." Sandra said, smiling briefly at Imene.
"Don't be sorry!" Imene rubbed Sandra's shoulder in an effort to console her. After a brief, somewhat awkward silence, Imene reached over the side of the bed and pulled her school bag onto the bed.
"Now that you seem a little more calm, would you like me to give you the assignments for today?" Imene asked, placing her hand on the zipper of her bag, awaiting Sandra's response.
"Sure." Sandra repositioned herself.
She hoped doing homework would take her mind off everything she couldn't stop thinking about. As Imene went on to explain the days lessons on derivatives and the hyperbole, Sandra felt comforted. The thoughts that had been racing through her mind nonstop all day did not cease, but the voices seemed a little softer as she listened to Imene. After Sandra and Imene finished their homework, Imene began to get ready to leave.
"You sure you're going to be alright tonight?" Imene asked, sincerely concerned.
"Yes, I'm actually very tired now." Sandra smiled gratefully. "Thanks for coming over." Sandra said, giving Imene a hug.
"You better call me if you need anything!" Imene threatened as she walked out the bedroom door.
"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" She asked with a smile as Sandra got close enough for her mother to put her arm around Sandra's shoulders.
Choking back the tears and anger that should have followed that question, Sandra simply smiled.
"No." She said without looking at her mother's face.
As they walked out the door, Sandra felt ambiguous about having her mother's arm around her shoulders. On the one hand, Sandra had always liked affection to be shown to her. On the other, she knew her mother was only trying to make up for forcing her to get an abortion.
"So, do you want to go out for lunch? We can have a girl's day out!" Her mother asked happily.
"No thanks." Sandra said, feeling numb.
"Well, you haven't gotten your nails done in a while. Let's go get manicures!" Her mom sounded slightly excited.
"I don't really feel like it." Sandra said, sounding very opposite of her mother's tone of voice.
Her mother took her arm off of Sandra as they got to the bus stop. She seemed very anxious. Even though her mother knew the schedule for the bus, she kept looking around to see if the bus was coming yet. Sandra sat on the bench, she felt weak and exhausted.
"Well, what do you want to do? Anything at all!" Her mother sat down next to her and was almost begging her.
"Anything?" Sandra asked, lifting her head up. "Anything at all?"
"Yes." Her mom said, smiling even wider.
"Then I want to go home and go to sleep." Sandra said looking up at her mother. She could see the pain in her mother's eyes at the icy tone of Sandra's voice. Part of her felt bad and wanted to apologize, a bigger part of her didn't care.
When she got home, Sandra went straight to her room. She collapsed onto the bed, burying her face in the pillow. She curled herself up into the fetal position and pulled the covers over herself. Then, for what she hoped would be last time, she cried. She almost screamed into her pillow, her body shook with her sobs. Being too exhausted to do anything else, she became quiet after a few moments. Tears rolled down her face until she fell asleep.
Sandra woke up to her mother shaking her shoulder. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was. She noticed right away that her pillow was still wet. All of a sudden, reality snapped back into place as Sandra sat up to see what her mother wanted. She looked at the clock to realize it was three o'clock.
"I made you some chicken noodle soup." Sandra's mother said, holding out a tray with a bowl of soup on it.
"I'm not hungry." Sandra tried to lie, but even her mother heard her stomach rumble.
"Oh," Her mother began speaking, seeming let down. "Well, I brought you your phone back. I figured that you don't have to be grounded for the rest of the week." Her mom handed Sandra her cellphone.
"Where has Katie been? I'm surprised that girl hasn't been knocking down the door trying to hang out with you." Her mother giggled as she stood up.
"Katie's in Puerto Rico with her mom." Sandra said, sounding monotone.
"Oh, well I hope she's having fun." Her mother smiled as she walked out.
Sandra turned on her phone. She knew who she wanted to call, but she didn't know what she wanted to say to him. He'd probably be happy, Sandra imagined. She dialed the numbers from memory and hit the call button. As she was waiting for him to answer, she cleared her throat.
"Sandra!" Jimmy said happily. "Can you meet me? There's a lot of stuff we need to talk about. I can't wait to see you." Jimmy was talking very quickly.
"I don't feel like going out today." Sandra said, trying not to be too upset.
"What's wrong? You sound sad." Jimmy said worried.
"Look Jimmy, I was really just calling to let you know that I got the abortion." Sandra blurted it out and waited for a response.
"You what?" Jimmy sounded dumbfounded. "But, I thought," Jimmy began to speak but became quiet. After a few seconds, Sandra heard a noise that unsettled her.
"Are you crying?" Sandra asked incredulously.
"No." Jimmy whimpered.
"Jimmy!" Sandra exclaimed, "Why are you crying?"
"I just didn't realize how badly I wanted you to keep the baby until this morning and you said your mom was taking you if you went. I drove by your house today and saw your mom's car so I thought you didn't do it and I got really excited." Jimmy blurted out.
Sandra could tell he was crying. She didn't know what to feel. All she knew at this moment was that she wasn't the only person who wanted this baby, she was never alone in this battle. Feeling as if her world were crumbling, she felt like she were having a panic attack.
"You mean, you wanted the baby?" Sandra asked, feeling as if all the blood had drained from her face.
"Yes, but I didn't want to make you keep it." Jimmy sniffled.
"Jimmy, I have to go. I'll call you later." Sandra hung up the phone without waiting for a response. She felt sick and she felt disgusted in herself. At this moment, Sandra truly wished she could just disappear. She threw herself back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.
It felt like Sandra had been laying there for only 15 minutes, but when she turned her head and looked at the clock, it was an hour later. She didn't feel like moving. Trying to hold her tears back, she kept silently asking herself 'why?'. There was no answer she could give herself that would make her feel better. In her eyes, no reason was good enough for taking another life, especially one so fragile and vulnerable.
She tried to push those thoughts out of her head. Sandra was determined not to cry again. Leaving her mind blank, she closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Too bad she wasn't tired anymore. Keeping her eyes closed, she tried to think of the future, of who she'd be. She imagined herself in college at first, but realized she only ever wanted to go to college to please her parents. All of a sudden, she was sick of pleasing her parents.
Sandra's eyes flew open as her bedroom door opened. It was her father. He stared at her for a few seconds before speaking.
"Dinner's ready." He said quietly.
"I'm not hungry." Sandra mumbled.
"Then just come sit with us, please." Her father closed the door before she could respond. Sandra took a deep breath and exhaled sharply as she threw the covers off herself. She slowly walked downstairs and sat at the bare table.
'Well, aren't you going to set the table?" Her father asked sounding agitated.
Without a word, Sandra stood up and got dishes and utensils to set the table. After putting cups out, she put a pile of napkins in the middle of the table.
The four of them sat down to eat as Sandra's mother put a roasted chicken and vegetables in the middle of the table beside the napkins. Everyone proceeded to take their serving of food, except for Sandra; her mother fixed her plate. They ate in silence for some time before anyone spoke. Sandra's father grabbed a napkin from the middle of the table and shot a look at Sandra.
"You know, you could have put the napkins beside the plates." He spoke as he wiped his face.
Sandra didn't answer, she just stared at the food her mother piled on her plate. She poked a piece of chicken with her fork. As hungry as she was, she didn't feel like eating. As her eyes were focused on her plate, her mind was focused elsewhere. She thought back to when things in her house were different.
It was the end of Sandra's first day of high school. She had gotten into the honors classes. She could remember barreling through the door, excited to tell everyone the news. The first person she saw was Amber. It was Amber's first day of her last year in high school. She had already gotten home and made herself a sandwich. Amber smiled as Sandra let the door slam behind her.
"Why are you so excited?" Amber asked curiously.
"I got honors classes!" Sandra squealed.
"Wow, impressive." Amber said before taking a bite of her sandwich as their parents walked in.
"What's going on?" Sandra's father asked with and inquisitive smile.
"Sandra got honors classes." Amber said, less excitedly than Sandra would have said it.
"And look!" Sandra cried, fishing through her bag. She pulled out an expensive graphing calculator. "They gave everyone in the math class a calculator!"
Sandra's father laughed as he walked over to her. He put his arm around her shoulder and looked at Sandra's mother.
"I never thought I'd have a daughter that would be so happy about a calculator."
Sandra was brought back to the present when she heard her mother gathering the dishes. That memory was just over three years ago, but it felt as if it were a different era. Everything had changed. It wasn't very long after that when Amber told her parents she was pregnant, dropping out of school, and moving out.
"You really should eat, Sandra." Her mother said as she picked up the last empty dish. Sandra was the only person left at the table, her dishes sat alone.
"I really don't feel well." Sandra mumbled as she got up from the table and walked to her room.
She got her laptop from her parents' room as she made her way to her own. With the laptop sitting on her bedside table, Sandra sat facing it with her legs crossed beneath her. She opened her email account. There was another email from Katie.
Sandra,
Things are going good here! I've attached some pictures, so you can stop hounding me about it! I can't wait to get home and hang out with you. If you were with me, I could stay here forever! It's so awesome! We are definitely going to have to plan a trip here someday.
Anyway, there isn't really anything new going on. My mom decided today would be a girl's day. We're going out to lunch and then laying out on the beach. We may go shopping and go to dinner together later too.
Speaking of mothers, how did things go when you told your mom? Was she mad? I'd be surprised if they didn't kick you out! You need to tell me all the drama!
Kisses,
Katie
Sandra let out half a smile as she read the first half. She was happy Katie was having such a great time. Her heart dropped as soon as she read the last paragraph. Sandra didn't know how to tell her that she didn't stick with her word. She wasn't scared that Katie would be mad, she knew that Katie always supported her decisions one hundred percent. Sandra felt ashamed of what she'd done, she really didn't want to tell anyone. Not knowing what to write back, Sandra closed the laptop and turned on her music. She closed her eyes as tight as possible and pretended that she was floating away.
She was so concentrated on trying to keep her mind clear that she didn't hear a knock at the front door or urgent footsteps on the stairs. She jumped and had to catch her breath when she heard someone pounding on her bedroom door. Without waiting for Sandra to answer, they opened the door and burst in. It was Imene.
"Are you okay?" Imene asked, sounding out of breath.
"I guess." Sandra tried to fake a smile, but her eyes began to well up again.
Imene jumped onto the bed next to her and wrapped her arms around Sandra's shoulders. After a minute of Sandra trying to hold her tears back, she gave up and leaned into Imene's arms.
"I was so stupid. I thought she actually cared." Sandra sniffled, referring to her mom.
"Of course she cares!" Imene pulled Sandra's hair out of her face.
"Then how could she make me do this? She practically strapped me down on the bed." Sandra became more upset as she spoke.
"I'm sure she did what she thought was best for you, because she cares." Imene replied.
Sandra didn't say anything, she didn't care if her mother thought it was the best thing. She didn't care if her mother's intentions were to do what was best for Sandra or even if her mother did it because she loves Sandra. Sandra knew these were all probably true statements; but the facts were that her mother didn't even listen to her, her mother didn't care what she had to say, how she felt, or what she believed, and in Sandra's mind, that was a good enough reason to be angry.
Imene pulled away and grabbed a tissue box from Sandra's night stand. Sandra pulled a tissue out of the box as she took a deep breath. After wiping her eyes, she crumpled the tissue in her hands. Staring at her hands, which were resting in her lap, Sandra let out a small laugh.
"I'm sorry for that." Sandra said, smiling briefly at Imene.
"Don't be sorry!" Imene rubbed Sandra's shoulder in an effort to console her. After a brief, somewhat awkward silence, Imene reached over the side of the bed and pulled her school bag onto the bed.
"Now that you seem a little more calm, would you like me to give you the assignments for today?" Imene asked, placing her hand on the zipper of her bag, awaiting Sandra's response.
"Sure." Sandra repositioned herself.
She hoped doing homework would take her mind off everything she couldn't stop thinking about. As Imene went on to explain the days lessons on derivatives and the hyperbole, Sandra felt comforted. The thoughts that had been racing through her mind nonstop all day did not cease, but the voices seemed a little softer as she listened to Imene. After Sandra and Imene finished their homework, Imene began to get ready to leave.
"You sure you're going to be alright tonight?" Imene asked, sincerely concerned.
"Yes, I'm actually very tired now." Sandra smiled gratefully. "Thanks for coming over." Sandra said, giving Imene a hug.
"You better call me if you need anything!" Imene threatened as she walked out the bedroom door.
chapter 11
The next morning, when Sandra woke up, she couldn't remember her dream, but she could remember how it felt. Somehow, she could remember feeling scared, but angry at some other source. Then, those feelings turned inward on Sandra. She hoped her schoolwork would keep her mind off everything.
Sandra walked through the front doors of school and immediately felt as if everyone were staring at her. Putting her head down, she pushed her way through the crowds of people. As she got to the stairs, she realized she had been holding her breath. She took a deep breath as she quickly climbed the stairs, almost pushing people out of the way.
As she got to her locker, she felt a small sense of relief. Sandra knew she was just being paranoid; there was no possible way anyone knew yet. She pulled the books for her first class out of the locker. As she closed the locker door, Stacey seemed to pop up out of nowhere.
"Hey Sandra!" She said enthusiastically. "Where were you yesterday? You missed a lot of stuff!" Stacey rambled on as Sandra began to walk to class. Barely hearing anything she said, Sandra cut Stacey off in the middle of a sentence.
"Stacey, I'm really sorry, but I don't feel like talking today." Sandra turned to Stacey, hoping she'd understand.
"Okay." Stacey stuttered, seeming taken aback. Without saying another word, she turned and walked away.
Sandra sighed. She knew she had hurt Stacey's feelings, but there was nothing she could do now. Hopefully, Sandra would feel more up to talking to her at lunch. She turned and walked into her class. No one had shown up yet.
As Sandra took her seat, she arranged her desk the way she always did. She looked at her neat, organized desk, and suddenly, for reasons Sandra couldn't quite understand, she resented it. She pushed everything off her desk and slightly smiled at the sound of everything crashing to the ground. Imene walked in as she was picking the last of her stuff off the floor. Sandra heard some people walking into class.
"Did you drop your stuff?" Imene asked, confused.
"Something like that." Sandra said, settling back into her seat.
Sandra never concentrated so hard on her school work before. She took exaggerated notes and found herself doing extra questions out of the book if she finished her assigned work. For the first time in her high school career, she wished her classes would last longer.
It seemed ironic to Sandra that the minutes seemed to fly by when she didn't want them to. She stared at the clock during her class just before lunch. It was as if she were trying to will the clock to move slower. She silently begged the clock's hands to stop moving. She let out a quiet exasperated grunt as the bell rang for lunch.
Sandra sat down at the first empty table she saw, following right behind her was Stacey. Shortly after the two of them sat down, Imene showed up. Imene tried to be friendly to Stacey, but Stacey seemed uninterested in anything Imene had to say as she jabbered on to Sandra.
"So then, I told the lady who did my nails that she had better redo them for free, because I am not paying twenty five dollars for nails that are purple, when I clearly asked for pink! I mean, I just can't believe how dense some people are. Then when it was all finished, the lady had the nerve to give me a dirty look for not giving her a tip!" Stacey complained, not realizing Sandra was barely listening.
"Stacey, some things are more important than the color of your nails! You're so immature sometimes." Sandra snapped, throwing her fork down.
Sandra almost immediately regretted it. She could tell by the look on Stacey's face that she wouldn't be able to talk her way out of this.
"Oh, well look at you Ms. All Grown Up." Stacey hissed at Sandra as she got up and grabbed her tray.
Sandra stared at her food, irritated, after watching Stacey walk away. Imene silently took a bite of her lunch.
"She shouldn't be mad at you." Imene finally said.
"She's right, I used to think just the same." Sandra replied.
"Well people change. Plus, she knows what you did, she should have been more compassionate to you then make you listen to her rant about her nails." Imene said, ridiculing Stacey.
Sandra just ate the rest of her lunch quietly. She hoped she wouldn't snap at anyone else. Knowing it wasn't her normal disposition, Sandra felt that Stacey should have known that too. Stacey would come around eventually, she would understand how much Sandra was hurting. Wouldn't she?
Stacey stormed across the cafeteria and slammed her tray down, almost spilling her drink, on the first open spot she could find. It was right beside May. May was one of the cheerleaders. She was normally nice to most people and for some reason most people confided in her, but she was one of the biggest gossips in the school.
Stacey had heard Sandra say on more than one occasion that she couldn't understand why so many people confided in May so much. She said that she could see right through her; all she was was a drama queen. The only people May ever seemed to be trustworthy for were her two best friends, and that was only when they weren't arguing.
"What's your problem?" May asked, moving her stuff over a little to give Stacey more room.
"She thinks she's all grown up now." Stacey said angrily, jabbing her mystery meat with the fork.
"You want to talk about it?" May asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
"Not really." Stacey said, taking a bite of her food. After a few minutes, Stacey dropped her fork on the tray.
"What I don't get is why is she taking it out on me. I get that it must have been hard for her to get an abortion, but she's been so mean to me all the time lately!" Stacey blurted out.
"Wow, someone has some pent up anger." May said, taking a sip of her juice.
"Do you think I'm a bad person?" Stacey asked, looking as if she were about to cry.
"Of course not! Anyone who could even consider that deserves to be miserable." May patted Stacey on the shoulder. "Anyway, getting an abortion is one of the worst sins, so whoever did it is going to Hell anyway."
"But I don't want that!" Stacey gasped, her eyes getting wide. "That can't be true!"
"That's what they told me in church, and I believe them." May finished her chocolate chip cookie. "Well, I have to go talk to my history teacher. I really hope you feel better later!" May said, sincerely.
As May walked away, Stacey turned to look at Sandra. She couldn't understand what happened to her. Sure, getting an abortion must be a hard thing to go through, but Sandra was so depressing now. Even just looking at her, you'd think she was about to cry. Stacey turned back to her tray and stared at her plate for the last five minutes of lunch.
After school, Sandra went straight to her room. After putting on her Linkin Park CD, she laid down in bed for a few minutes trying to clear her head. She checked her email. Of course there was something from Katie.
Sandra!
Why have you not responded? I don't appreciate being ignored! You have some big explaining to do! If I don't get an email tonight, I had better come back from Puerto Rico to find out you were murdered, or else I will do it myself!
Heart you!
Katie
Sandra let out a small laugh as she read the email. After typing three long emails about how she felt and what happened, Sandra deleted the last one. She had no clue how to tell Katie what happened. There was no way she could really explain how she was feeling. After debating for about ten minutes, Sandra finally decided what to type.
Katie,
Sorry I didn't answer last night.
I did it.
I'll talk to you when you get home.
Sandra
Vinny paced back and forth in the garage. He wasn't sure what to do. He had been covering for Jimmy since he decided to not show up to work the day before. After calling Jimmy every five minutes for about three hours on Wednesday, he finally answered and told Vinny he needed some time to think about things.
Apparently, Jimmy didn't care about his job anymore. Vinny thought Jimmy was being stupid, considering his green card was only kept valid as long as he had a steady job. He couldn't just stand by and watch his best friend ruin his life for a naive, immature girl. Not only that, but Vinny couldn't take another day of covering for Jimmy's shift. The garage was understaffed as it was, and Vinny wouldn't be able to get the full day's work completed by himself again; he was barely scraping by.
"I need a raise for this." Vinny said to himself as a car pulled into the parking lot.
Jimmy groggily opened his eyes. He looked at his cell phone and wished days had passed by instead of hours. Sandra hadn't called yet, and Jimmy wasn't sure if she would. Maybe Jimmy really messed up; maybe Sandra wouldn't come back. He shook his head, refusing to think that way. Jimmy wouldn't lose Sandra, he knew she probably just needed time.
Maybe she was waiting for him to call. He tried to imagine Sandra checking her phone every five minutes, the way he did when he was awake. Jimmy stood up and stretched. His stomach growled and Jimmy felt excruciating hunger pains. When was the last time he ate? Deciding to eat before he called Sandra, he made his way to the fridge to check what food was still good.
Sandra walked through the front doors of school and immediately felt as if everyone were staring at her. Putting her head down, she pushed her way through the crowds of people. As she got to the stairs, she realized she had been holding her breath. She took a deep breath as she quickly climbed the stairs, almost pushing people out of the way.
As she got to her locker, she felt a small sense of relief. Sandra knew she was just being paranoid; there was no possible way anyone knew yet. She pulled the books for her first class out of the locker. As she closed the locker door, Stacey seemed to pop up out of nowhere.
"Hey Sandra!" She said enthusiastically. "Where were you yesterday? You missed a lot of stuff!" Stacey rambled on as Sandra began to walk to class. Barely hearing anything she said, Sandra cut Stacey off in the middle of a sentence.
"Stacey, I'm really sorry, but I don't feel like talking today." Sandra turned to Stacey, hoping she'd understand.
"Okay." Stacey stuttered, seeming taken aback. Without saying another word, she turned and walked away.
Sandra sighed. She knew she had hurt Stacey's feelings, but there was nothing she could do now. Hopefully, Sandra would feel more up to talking to her at lunch. She turned and walked into her class. No one had shown up yet.
As Sandra took her seat, she arranged her desk the way she always did. She looked at her neat, organized desk, and suddenly, for reasons Sandra couldn't quite understand, she resented it. She pushed everything off her desk and slightly smiled at the sound of everything crashing to the ground. Imene walked in as she was picking the last of her stuff off the floor. Sandra heard some people walking into class.
"Did you drop your stuff?" Imene asked, confused.
"Something like that." Sandra said, settling back into her seat.
Sandra never concentrated so hard on her school work before. She took exaggerated notes and found herself doing extra questions out of the book if she finished her assigned work. For the first time in her high school career, she wished her classes would last longer.
It seemed ironic to Sandra that the minutes seemed to fly by when she didn't want them to. She stared at the clock during her class just before lunch. It was as if she were trying to will the clock to move slower. She silently begged the clock's hands to stop moving. She let out a quiet exasperated grunt as the bell rang for lunch.
Sandra sat down at the first empty table she saw, following right behind her was Stacey. Shortly after the two of them sat down, Imene showed up. Imene tried to be friendly to Stacey, but Stacey seemed uninterested in anything Imene had to say as she jabbered on to Sandra.
"So then, I told the lady who did my nails that she had better redo them for free, because I am not paying twenty five dollars for nails that are purple, when I clearly asked for pink! I mean, I just can't believe how dense some people are. Then when it was all finished, the lady had the nerve to give me a dirty look for not giving her a tip!" Stacey complained, not realizing Sandra was barely listening.
"Stacey, some things are more important than the color of your nails! You're so immature sometimes." Sandra snapped, throwing her fork down.
Sandra almost immediately regretted it. She could tell by the look on Stacey's face that she wouldn't be able to talk her way out of this.
"Oh, well look at you Ms. All Grown Up." Stacey hissed at Sandra as she got up and grabbed her tray.
Sandra stared at her food, irritated, after watching Stacey walk away. Imene silently took a bite of her lunch.
"She shouldn't be mad at you." Imene finally said.
"She's right, I used to think just the same." Sandra replied.
"Well people change. Plus, she knows what you did, she should have been more compassionate to you then make you listen to her rant about her nails." Imene said, ridiculing Stacey.
Sandra just ate the rest of her lunch quietly. She hoped she wouldn't snap at anyone else. Knowing it wasn't her normal disposition, Sandra felt that Stacey should have known that too. Stacey would come around eventually, she would understand how much Sandra was hurting. Wouldn't she?
Stacey stormed across the cafeteria and slammed her tray down, almost spilling her drink, on the first open spot she could find. It was right beside May. May was one of the cheerleaders. She was normally nice to most people and for some reason most people confided in her, but she was one of the biggest gossips in the school.
Stacey had heard Sandra say on more than one occasion that she couldn't understand why so many people confided in May so much. She said that she could see right through her; all she was was a drama queen. The only people May ever seemed to be trustworthy for were her two best friends, and that was only when they weren't arguing.
"What's your problem?" May asked, moving her stuff over a little to give Stacey more room.
"She thinks she's all grown up now." Stacey said angrily, jabbing her mystery meat with the fork.
"You want to talk about it?" May asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
"Not really." Stacey said, taking a bite of her food. After a few minutes, Stacey dropped her fork on the tray.
"What I don't get is why is she taking it out on me. I get that it must have been hard for her to get an abortion, but she's been so mean to me all the time lately!" Stacey blurted out.
"Wow, someone has some pent up anger." May said, taking a sip of her juice.
"Do you think I'm a bad person?" Stacey asked, looking as if she were about to cry.
"Of course not! Anyone who could even consider that deserves to be miserable." May patted Stacey on the shoulder. "Anyway, getting an abortion is one of the worst sins, so whoever did it is going to Hell anyway."
"But I don't want that!" Stacey gasped, her eyes getting wide. "That can't be true!"
"That's what they told me in church, and I believe them." May finished her chocolate chip cookie. "Well, I have to go talk to my history teacher. I really hope you feel better later!" May said, sincerely.
As May walked away, Stacey turned to look at Sandra. She couldn't understand what happened to her. Sure, getting an abortion must be a hard thing to go through, but Sandra was so depressing now. Even just looking at her, you'd think she was about to cry. Stacey turned back to her tray and stared at her plate for the last five minutes of lunch.
After school, Sandra went straight to her room. After putting on her Linkin Park CD, she laid down in bed for a few minutes trying to clear her head. She checked her email. Of course there was something from Katie.
Sandra!
Why have you not responded? I don't appreciate being ignored! You have some big explaining to do! If I don't get an email tonight, I had better come back from Puerto Rico to find out you were murdered, or else I will do it myself!
Heart you!
Katie
Sandra let out a small laugh as she read the email. After typing three long emails about how she felt and what happened, Sandra deleted the last one. She had no clue how to tell Katie what happened. There was no way she could really explain how she was feeling. After debating for about ten minutes, Sandra finally decided what to type.
Katie,
Sorry I didn't answer last night.
I did it.
I'll talk to you when you get home.
Sandra
Vinny paced back and forth in the garage. He wasn't sure what to do. He had been covering for Jimmy since he decided to not show up to work the day before. After calling Jimmy every five minutes for about three hours on Wednesday, he finally answered and told Vinny he needed some time to think about things.
Apparently, Jimmy didn't care about his job anymore. Vinny thought Jimmy was being stupid, considering his green card was only kept valid as long as he had a steady job. He couldn't just stand by and watch his best friend ruin his life for a naive, immature girl. Not only that, but Vinny couldn't take another day of covering for Jimmy's shift. The garage was understaffed as it was, and Vinny wouldn't be able to get the full day's work completed by himself again; he was barely scraping by.
"I need a raise for this." Vinny said to himself as a car pulled into the parking lot.
Jimmy groggily opened his eyes. He looked at his cell phone and wished days had passed by instead of hours. Sandra hadn't called yet, and Jimmy wasn't sure if she would. Maybe Jimmy really messed up; maybe Sandra wouldn't come back. He shook his head, refusing to think that way. Jimmy wouldn't lose Sandra, he knew she probably just needed time.
Maybe she was waiting for him to call. He tried to imagine Sandra checking her phone every five minutes, the way he did when he was awake. Jimmy stood up and stretched. His stomach growled and Jimmy felt excruciating hunger pains. When was the last time he ate? Deciding to eat before he called Sandra, he made his way to the fridge to check what food was still good.
chapter 12
Sandra laid in bed with her hands behind her head. As she stared at the ceiling, she tried to clear her mind. She attempted to let the lyrics of the music she was listening to occupy her conscious thoughts. That part of her plan was working fine, the only thing she couldn't control was her subconscious thinking. No matter how hard she thought of the song on the radio, or how much she sang, she couldn't stop the thoughts she was trying to keep out.
After a few minutes, Sandra gave up trying to keep the thoughts out. She didn't have enough energy to control her thoughts anymore. It seemed as though the abortion was all she could think about. Sandra felt burdened by the responsibility of her actions. She almost didn't notice her door opening.
"Hey Sandra." Gwen said meekly as she crept inside the door.
"Hey." Sandra said as she turned her head to look at her younger sister.
"I was wondering how you're feeling." Gwen said, sitting on the edge of Sandra's bed.
"Did Mom send you?" Sandra asked, rolling her eyes.
"No," Gwen started, sounding confused. "I just want to know if you need anything."
"I'm fine." Sandra said, looking back at the ceiling.
"I don't believe you." Gwen replied.
"Why not? There's no reason for me not to be fine." Sandra retorted.
"You're acting like a ghost. All you've done since you got home yesterday is sleep and stare into space. Even when you're walking, it's like you're not really there, like you're mind is somewhere else." Gwen went on, started to sound anxious.
"Well, no need to worry. I just need some rest." Sandra said, rolling over onto her side, not feeling one bit tired.
"If you need anything, seriously, don't hesitate to ask me okay?" Gwen said softly, resting her hand and Sandra's shoulder.
"Got it." Sandra gave her sister a thumb's up before curling up and closing her eyes, as if she were going to go to sleep.
Gwen took a breath as if she were going to speak, but decided just to get up and leave. Sandra waited until she heard Gwen's footsteps fade down the hallway before resuming her previous position. Sandra didn't feel like talking about her feelings to anyone. Well, maybe there were two exceptions. The first exception was a million miles away, and the other probably wouldn't be able to handle the way Sandra was feeling, based on his reaction to the facts Sandra had already told him.
She considered calling Stacey. Although Stacey was one of the last people Sandra would like to confide her feelings to, she still wanted to apologize for the argument at lunch. Hopefully Stacey was over it by now. After letting out a yawn, Sandra decided to wait to call Stacey, maybe she would just track her down in school tomorrow.
It was almost dinner time and Sandra remembered she had a presentation due the next day for her English class. It was supposed to be a presentation on a belief or cause that was important to Sandra. She couldn't think of anything that was important to her anymore. When her mother came to the door to let Sandra know it was time for dinner, Sandra told her she had an important project due the next day.
"It will only take fifteen minutes to eat and you can get right back to work." Her mother pleaded.
"Yeah, I'd really rather just keep working." Sandra said not looking away from the computer.
"You need to eat." Her mother interjected.
"I'm not hungry." Sandra snapped. When her mother tried to respond, Sandra cut her off. "If I get hungry I'll make myself something to eat."
Sandra's mother let out a sigh of disapproval, but backed out of the room and closed the door. Sandra stared at the screen, trying to think of what was important to her. After about thirty minutes of racking her brain, Sandra realized what was important to her; the only person that never let her down. Her presentation would be on friendship.
It seemed as though the moment she decided on her overall theme, her mind was racing with ideas. Sandra typed feverishly in the Powerpoint program. She searched the internet for pertinent photos. It only took Sandra about a half an hour to complete twenty slides. She clicked through it, glancing over the slides.
It was a good presentation, in Sandra's opinion, but it was missing something. She couldn't figure it out. Finally, she minimized the program, hoping if she took her eyes off her work for a while it would come to her. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She focused on relaxing all the muscles in her body one by one. After she felt a little less stiff, she sat back up and opened her eyes.
As her vision focused on the computer screen, it came to her. There on her background was a picture of Sandra and Katie. That's what was missing; it wasn't personal enough. Sandra went through each slide adding pictures of herself and Katie and Imene. When she added a picture to the last slide, she let the slideshow play on its own. As each slide popped up, Sandra couldn't help but smile at the memories that went along with the photos.
She saved the presentation to a disc and put it in her bag. She checked her email. Her heart dropped a little as she realized there was no email from Katie. Sandra hoped that Katie wasn't that angry with her. Katie of all people should have been the one to understand her.
Sandra shutdown her laptop and collapsed back onto her pillow. She tried to hold back the emotions that were boiling inside her. If she lost Katie, she had nothing left. Sandra knew she was a wreck without her best friend, who was more like a sister to her than her own sisters.
Sandra laid in bed trying to imagine what Katie was doing. Maybe she was just too busy today to write back. Even as Sandra thought it, she knew it wasn't possible. Katie wouldn't have gone without responding, especially to something this big.
As Sandra's phone rang, her first thought was that it would be Katie. Looking at the caller I.D., Sandra's smile grew wider as she realized it was Jimmy.
"Hello?" Sandra answered the phone, her heart pounding.
"Sandra!" Jimmy exclaimed, seeming surprised that she answered. "How are you feeling?"
"Better now." Sandra said, still smiling.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" He asked hesitantly.
"It is a pretty long walk to school." Sandra hinted.
"I'll be there in the morning." Jimmy said, picking up the hint.
Sandra couldn't help but smile as she talked to Jimmy. Her heart finally got back to its natural rhythm, but she was still excited that Jimmy called. Even though she felt mostly happy, there was still moments that Sandra felt a wave of despair. It was usually when there was a pause in the conversation, but as soon as one of them started talking, it washed away.
Sandra laid in bed for over an hour talking to Jimmy. He had explained everything that happened at Vinny’s house and Sandra couldn’t help but laugh as she imagined Jimmy re-enacting the situation. Sandra told him about what had been going on with her, and even though it was not nearly as amusing as Jimmy’s last few days, he still listened intently.
“I just don’t know what to do about Stacey.” Sandra sighed. “It’s like everything I do upsets her more. I don’t even know how to talk to her anymore.”
“You really shouldn’t be put under this stress. You’ve already been through enough. Maybe you should just leave her alone until she comes to her senses.” Jimmy suggested.
Sandra knew this was a very reasonable approach to the situation. She knew it was what she should do; the problem was that she always wanted to do the opposite. Sandra didn’t want to go without talking to Stacey. They weren’t that close, but they were still friends.
“Maybe,” Sandra responded after a moment of silence. “Well, I’m actually pretty hungry. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Sandra asked hopefully as her stomach growled.
“Can’t wait.” Jimmy said. Sandra could hear the smile in his voice. She was so relieved that he had called. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Now she just needed to find out how to unravel all the other knots in her life.
Sandra hung up the phone and got out of bed with a smile. She was surprised she even could smile anymore. As she walked to her bedroom door, all she could think about was Jimmy’s voice. She couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow. It felt as though it had been months since they’d seen each other.
Sandra opened her door, oblivious to the world outside her head. She got to the top of the stairs and as she put her hand on the banister, she was almost tackled by someone rushing up the stairs.
“Sandra!” Katie almost screamed as she threw her arms around Sandra’s neck. “I begged my mom to leave as soon as I read your email!”
Sandra wrapped her arms around Katie’s waist. When they broke from their dramatic hug, Sandra laughed.
“You really didn’t have to come! It would only have been a few more days.” Sandra shook her head.
“No, I needed to be here as soon as possible! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me as soon as it happened!” Katie exclaimed as she followed Sandra down the stairs. “Where are we going?” Katie asked as they neared the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m hungry.” Sandra said, walking into the kitchen.
After a few minutes, Sandra gave up trying to keep the thoughts out. She didn't have enough energy to control her thoughts anymore. It seemed as though the abortion was all she could think about. Sandra felt burdened by the responsibility of her actions. She almost didn't notice her door opening.
"Hey Sandra." Gwen said meekly as she crept inside the door.
"Hey." Sandra said as she turned her head to look at her younger sister.
"I was wondering how you're feeling." Gwen said, sitting on the edge of Sandra's bed.
"Did Mom send you?" Sandra asked, rolling her eyes.
"No," Gwen started, sounding confused. "I just want to know if you need anything."
"I'm fine." Sandra said, looking back at the ceiling.
"I don't believe you." Gwen replied.
"Why not? There's no reason for me not to be fine." Sandra retorted.
"You're acting like a ghost. All you've done since you got home yesterday is sleep and stare into space. Even when you're walking, it's like you're not really there, like you're mind is somewhere else." Gwen went on, started to sound anxious.
"Well, no need to worry. I just need some rest." Sandra said, rolling over onto her side, not feeling one bit tired.
"If you need anything, seriously, don't hesitate to ask me okay?" Gwen said softly, resting her hand and Sandra's shoulder.
"Got it." Sandra gave her sister a thumb's up before curling up and closing her eyes, as if she were going to go to sleep.
Gwen took a breath as if she were going to speak, but decided just to get up and leave. Sandra waited until she heard Gwen's footsteps fade down the hallway before resuming her previous position. Sandra didn't feel like talking about her feelings to anyone. Well, maybe there were two exceptions. The first exception was a million miles away, and the other probably wouldn't be able to handle the way Sandra was feeling, based on his reaction to the facts Sandra had already told him.
She considered calling Stacey. Although Stacey was one of the last people Sandra would like to confide her feelings to, she still wanted to apologize for the argument at lunch. Hopefully Stacey was over it by now. After letting out a yawn, Sandra decided to wait to call Stacey, maybe she would just track her down in school tomorrow.
It was almost dinner time and Sandra remembered she had a presentation due the next day for her English class. It was supposed to be a presentation on a belief or cause that was important to Sandra. She couldn't think of anything that was important to her anymore. When her mother came to the door to let Sandra know it was time for dinner, Sandra told her she had an important project due the next day.
"It will only take fifteen minutes to eat and you can get right back to work." Her mother pleaded.
"Yeah, I'd really rather just keep working." Sandra said not looking away from the computer.
"You need to eat." Her mother interjected.
"I'm not hungry." Sandra snapped. When her mother tried to respond, Sandra cut her off. "If I get hungry I'll make myself something to eat."
Sandra's mother let out a sigh of disapproval, but backed out of the room and closed the door. Sandra stared at the screen, trying to think of what was important to her. After about thirty minutes of racking her brain, Sandra realized what was important to her; the only person that never let her down. Her presentation would be on friendship.
It seemed as though the moment she decided on her overall theme, her mind was racing with ideas. Sandra typed feverishly in the Powerpoint program. She searched the internet for pertinent photos. It only took Sandra about a half an hour to complete twenty slides. She clicked through it, glancing over the slides.
It was a good presentation, in Sandra's opinion, but it was missing something. She couldn't figure it out. Finally, she minimized the program, hoping if she took her eyes off her work for a while it would come to her. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She focused on relaxing all the muscles in her body one by one. After she felt a little less stiff, she sat back up and opened her eyes.
As her vision focused on the computer screen, it came to her. There on her background was a picture of Sandra and Katie. That's what was missing; it wasn't personal enough. Sandra went through each slide adding pictures of herself and Katie and Imene. When she added a picture to the last slide, she let the slideshow play on its own. As each slide popped up, Sandra couldn't help but smile at the memories that went along with the photos.
She saved the presentation to a disc and put it in her bag. She checked her email. Her heart dropped a little as she realized there was no email from Katie. Sandra hoped that Katie wasn't that angry with her. Katie of all people should have been the one to understand her.
Sandra shutdown her laptop and collapsed back onto her pillow. She tried to hold back the emotions that were boiling inside her. If she lost Katie, she had nothing left. Sandra knew she was a wreck without her best friend, who was more like a sister to her than her own sisters.
Sandra laid in bed trying to imagine what Katie was doing. Maybe she was just too busy today to write back. Even as Sandra thought it, she knew it wasn't possible. Katie wouldn't have gone without responding, especially to something this big.
As Sandra's phone rang, her first thought was that it would be Katie. Looking at the caller I.D., Sandra's smile grew wider as she realized it was Jimmy.
"Hello?" Sandra answered the phone, her heart pounding.
"Sandra!" Jimmy exclaimed, seeming surprised that she answered. "How are you feeling?"
"Better now." Sandra said, still smiling.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" He asked hesitantly.
"It is a pretty long walk to school." Sandra hinted.
"I'll be there in the morning." Jimmy said, picking up the hint.
Sandra couldn't help but smile as she talked to Jimmy. Her heart finally got back to its natural rhythm, but she was still excited that Jimmy called. Even though she felt mostly happy, there was still moments that Sandra felt a wave of despair. It was usually when there was a pause in the conversation, but as soon as one of them started talking, it washed away.
Sandra laid in bed for over an hour talking to Jimmy. He had explained everything that happened at Vinny’s house and Sandra couldn’t help but laugh as she imagined Jimmy re-enacting the situation. Sandra told him about what had been going on with her, and even though it was not nearly as amusing as Jimmy’s last few days, he still listened intently.
“I just don’t know what to do about Stacey.” Sandra sighed. “It’s like everything I do upsets her more. I don’t even know how to talk to her anymore.”
“You really shouldn’t be put under this stress. You’ve already been through enough. Maybe you should just leave her alone until she comes to her senses.” Jimmy suggested.
Sandra knew this was a very reasonable approach to the situation. She knew it was what she should do; the problem was that she always wanted to do the opposite. Sandra didn’t want to go without talking to Stacey. They weren’t that close, but they were still friends.
“Maybe,” Sandra responded after a moment of silence. “Well, I’m actually pretty hungry. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Sandra asked hopefully as her stomach growled.
“Can’t wait.” Jimmy said. Sandra could hear the smile in his voice. She was so relieved that he had called. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Now she just needed to find out how to unravel all the other knots in her life.
Sandra hung up the phone and got out of bed with a smile. She was surprised she even could smile anymore. As she walked to her bedroom door, all she could think about was Jimmy’s voice. She couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow. It felt as though it had been months since they’d seen each other.
Sandra opened her door, oblivious to the world outside her head. She got to the top of the stairs and as she put her hand on the banister, she was almost tackled by someone rushing up the stairs.
“Sandra!” Katie almost screamed as she threw her arms around Sandra’s neck. “I begged my mom to leave as soon as I read your email!”
Sandra wrapped her arms around Katie’s waist. When they broke from their dramatic hug, Sandra laughed.
“You really didn’t have to come! It would only have been a few more days.” Sandra shook her head.
“No, I needed to be here as soon as possible! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me as soon as it happened!” Katie exclaimed as she followed Sandra down the stairs. “Where are we going?” Katie asked as they neared the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m hungry.” Sandra said, walking into the kitchen.
chapter 13
“Let me cook for you!” Katie said, grabbing a pan.
Sandra laughed and had to catch her breath before speaking. “You can barely even boil water without setting something on fire.” She tried to take the pan out of Katie’s hand.
“No! You need to just sit and let me cook for you!” Katie nudged Sandra toward the kitchen table.
Sandra sat down and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already eight thirty. She watched Katie pulling ingredients out of the cabinets and mixing it in a big bowl. Sandra knew almost instantly what Katie was making; pancakes. Katie knew that Sandra loved pancakes. Sandra’s mom walked into the kitchen.
“Katie.” She stated, sounding confused. “I thought you weren’t coming home until Sunday?”
“Me and my mom had a change of plans.” Katie said vaguely as Sandra’s mom opened the refrigerator door.
“Oh, well I hope you had fun.” Sandra’s mom said as she opened a bottle of water and took a sip. “What are you making?”
“Pancakes.” Katie said quickly, focusing on the pan as she poured some batter in.
“Don’t burn my house down, Katie. Otherwise, we’ll all move in with you and your mom.” She said with a grin.
Katie flashed a smile, but put her attention back to the stovetop. Sandra’s mom walked out without saying anything to Sandra. Katie seemed to be struggling with the pancake, but wouldn’t let Sandra help. She would threaten Sandra with the spatula if she even stood up.
Katie muttered curse words under her breath as she tried to flip the pancake. Within a few minutes, she lifted the pancake and put it on a plate beside the stove. Sandra couldn't see the plate, and could only imagine what condition the pancake was in. After two more pancakes, Katie buttered the pancakes and poured syrup over them. She put the plate down in front of Sandra.
"It looks...delicious." Sandra said, trying not to laugh as she looked at the mess on her plate.
None of the pancakes were in one piece. Katie sat down next to Sandra as Sandra separated the fully cooked pieces from the under cooked ones. Katie stared at Sandra anxiously as she took her first bite.
"So how is it?" Katie asked excitedly.
"The pieces that are actually cooked are amazing." Sandra said as she took another bite.
Katie smiled wide, happy that at least some pieces of her pancakes were edible. After three pancakes and a glass of milk, Sandra felt full. Sandra and Katie sat at the kitchen table until ten thirty talking about Puerto Rico. Sandra's house phone rang shortly after ten thirty.
"Katie, it's your mom." Sandra's mom said, walking into the kitchen and handing her the cordless phone.
"Well, time for me to go home!" Katie said, after hanging up. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."
Sandra gave Katie a hug and thanked her for the pancakes and for coming over. After deciding it was time to go to bed, Sandra did her usual bedtime routine. She took a shower, blow-dried her hair, and put her favorite lotion on. As she lay in bed, she smiled.
"Maybe things are turning around." Sandra thought as she drifted into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning, Sandra woke up to her phone buzzing. She couldn't help but smile as she read the text message from Jimmy. Letting out a yawn, she stretched before getting out of bed. Today felt like a good day. Sandra got ready for school and practically skipped out the front door.
She ran to Jimmy's car and jumped in. Without even waiting for Jimmy to say good morning, she lunged across the car and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him as if she hadn't seen him in months.
"I missed you." Sandra said as she lay her head on his shoulder, their arms still wrapped around each other.
"I missed you." Jimmy replied, turning his face into the crook of her neck. His face was buried in her platinum blond hair. He inhaled deeply, savoring her scent that he had missed so much.
Sandra finally pulled away and sat back in the passenger seat. She looked at Jimmy and wasn't sure exactly what to say. Being with him made her happy, she grinned involuntarily. The rising sun gave a reddish hue to Jimmy's features.
"Oh!" Jimmy said, his face lighting up. "I almost forgot!" He leaned into the backseat and pulled a paper bag onto his lap. He pulled out a croissant sandwich and an iced coffee and handed them to Sandra.
"Breakfast is served." He said with a smile.
Sandra thanked him as she unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. She leaned up and turned up his radio. Sandra looked up at Jimmy when she was almost done with the sandwich and realized he was staring at her with a stupid grin on his face.
"What?" Sandra asked, wiping her face.
"I'm just happy I called last night, is all." Jimmy said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Me too." Sandra smiled as she took a sip of her iced coffee.
Jimmy started the car when they saw Katie coming. Katie got in the car and immediately initiated conversation. She was her normal, chipper self. That's one thing Sandra loved about her; she was always smiling. When they pulled up to the school, both girls got out. Sandra leaned back in before shutting the door to give Jimmy another kiss.
"Make sure you go to work today." Sandra said softly as she pulled away.
"I'll think about it." Jimmy teased with a smile. As she backed out of the car, Jimmy grabbed her hand again and pulled her back toward him for another kiss. Sandra didn't pull away until she heard the school bell ring.
"I really have to go or else I'll be late!" Sandra giggled. Jimmy let go of her hand and watched as the two of them rushed into school.
Sandra laughed and had to catch her breath before speaking. “You can barely even boil water without setting something on fire.” She tried to take the pan out of Katie’s hand.
“No! You need to just sit and let me cook for you!” Katie nudged Sandra toward the kitchen table.
Sandra sat down and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already eight thirty. She watched Katie pulling ingredients out of the cabinets and mixing it in a big bowl. Sandra knew almost instantly what Katie was making; pancakes. Katie knew that Sandra loved pancakes. Sandra’s mom walked into the kitchen.
“Katie.” She stated, sounding confused. “I thought you weren’t coming home until Sunday?”
“Me and my mom had a change of plans.” Katie said vaguely as Sandra’s mom opened the refrigerator door.
“Oh, well I hope you had fun.” Sandra’s mom said as she opened a bottle of water and took a sip. “What are you making?”
“Pancakes.” Katie said quickly, focusing on the pan as she poured some batter in.
“Don’t burn my house down, Katie. Otherwise, we’ll all move in with you and your mom.” She said with a grin.
Katie flashed a smile, but put her attention back to the stovetop. Sandra’s mom walked out without saying anything to Sandra. Katie seemed to be struggling with the pancake, but wouldn’t let Sandra help. She would threaten Sandra with the spatula if she even stood up.
Katie muttered curse words under her breath as she tried to flip the pancake. Within a few minutes, she lifted the pancake and put it on a plate beside the stove. Sandra couldn't see the plate, and could only imagine what condition the pancake was in. After two more pancakes, Katie buttered the pancakes and poured syrup over them. She put the plate down in front of Sandra.
"It looks...delicious." Sandra said, trying not to laugh as she looked at the mess on her plate.
None of the pancakes were in one piece. Katie sat down next to Sandra as Sandra separated the fully cooked pieces from the under cooked ones. Katie stared at Sandra anxiously as she took her first bite.
"So how is it?" Katie asked excitedly.
"The pieces that are actually cooked are amazing." Sandra said as she took another bite.
Katie smiled wide, happy that at least some pieces of her pancakes were edible. After three pancakes and a glass of milk, Sandra felt full. Sandra and Katie sat at the kitchen table until ten thirty talking about Puerto Rico. Sandra's house phone rang shortly after ten thirty.
"Katie, it's your mom." Sandra's mom said, walking into the kitchen and handing her the cordless phone.
"Well, time for me to go home!" Katie said, after hanging up. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."
Sandra gave Katie a hug and thanked her for the pancakes and for coming over. After deciding it was time to go to bed, Sandra did her usual bedtime routine. She took a shower, blow-dried her hair, and put her favorite lotion on. As she lay in bed, she smiled.
"Maybe things are turning around." Sandra thought as she drifted into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning, Sandra woke up to her phone buzzing. She couldn't help but smile as she read the text message from Jimmy. Letting out a yawn, she stretched before getting out of bed. Today felt like a good day. Sandra got ready for school and practically skipped out the front door.
She ran to Jimmy's car and jumped in. Without even waiting for Jimmy to say good morning, she lunged across the car and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him as if she hadn't seen him in months.
"I missed you." Sandra said as she lay her head on his shoulder, their arms still wrapped around each other.
"I missed you." Jimmy replied, turning his face into the crook of her neck. His face was buried in her platinum blond hair. He inhaled deeply, savoring her scent that he had missed so much.
Sandra finally pulled away and sat back in the passenger seat. She looked at Jimmy and wasn't sure exactly what to say. Being with him made her happy, she grinned involuntarily. The rising sun gave a reddish hue to Jimmy's features.
"Oh!" Jimmy said, his face lighting up. "I almost forgot!" He leaned into the backseat and pulled a paper bag onto his lap. He pulled out a croissant sandwich and an iced coffee and handed them to Sandra.
"Breakfast is served." He said with a smile.
Sandra thanked him as she unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. She leaned up and turned up his radio. Sandra looked up at Jimmy when she was almost done with the sandwich and realized he was staring at her with a stupid grin on his face.
"What?" Sandra asked, wiping her face.
"I'm just happy I called last night, is all." Jimmy said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Me too." Sandra smiled as she took a sip of her iced coffee.
Jimmy started the car when they saw Katie coming. Katie got in the car and immediately initiated conversation. She was her normal, chipper self. That's one thing Sandra loved about her; she was always smiling. When they pulled up to the school, both girls got out. Sandra leaned back in before shutting the door to give Jimmy another kiss.
"Make sure you go to work today." Sandra said softly as she pulled away.
"I'll think about it." Jimmy teased with a smile. As she backed out of the car, Jimmy grabbed her hand again and pulled her back toward him for another kiss. Sandra didn't pull away until she heard the school bell ring.
"I really have to go or else I'll be late!" Sandra giggled. Jimmy let go of her hand and watched as the two of them rushed into school.
chapter 14
The first indication Sandra got that her day was going to turn for the worst was in math class. A girl walked in as the class was doing an assignment. Everyone was silent, so everyone heard the girl tell their teacher she had a note from the nurse for Sandra. Sandra's face turned beet red as the girl handed her the piece of paper.
Sandra opened it, it looked like an appointment slip. All it said was "Please be in the school library at 8:30 a.m." Sandra couldn't think of why the nurse would want her in the library. She looked at the clock and realized it was already fifteen minutes past eight.
"I'll just finish these last few problems and then go down." Sandra said to herself.
As she finished with her last problem, she realized it was eight thirty-five. She jumped up and walked quickly back to her teacher.
"I have to go." Sandra said, handing him the slip. He simply nodded his head and got back to grading homework assignments.
Sandra's hands were shaking as she walked all the way across the school to the library. She hesitantly pulled open the door and took cautious steps into the library. Off the the right she saw a few girls sitting at a round table. The woman that Sandra assumed was the teacher stood up and walked to Sandra.
"Are you here for the pregnancy class?" She asked with a smile.
"I think there's been a mistake. I'm not pregnant anymore." Sandra said, her eyes welling up.
"Oh," The woman said, looking at the notebook in her hand. "We'll make sure this doesn't happen again." She marked something in her notebook as she asked Sandra for her name.
Sandra got back to math class only seconds before the bell rang. As Sandra gathered her stuff, Imene gave her an inquisitive look. Sandra just shook her head, not wanting to talk about it right now. She made her way to History class, looking for Stacey. Sitting down, Sandra noticed the seat beside her was empty. She scanned the room and saw Stacey sitting in the back of the room with May. History class seemed to drag without Stacey sitting beside her.
Finally, as Sandra sat at her seat in English class, she felt that at least this class would go well. She pulled the disc out of her bag and set it on her desk. Sandra loved the feeling of being prepared. The English teacher walked in and closed the door. After setting up the projector and screen, she picked up a bucket from her desk.
"Everyone will take a slip from this bucket. It will be the order that you all present your Powerpoints." She said as she began walking around the room, shaking the bucket. Sandra pulled out a slip and unfolded it. It said "12". The teacher called out everyone's name and and wrote down their numbers.
Each presentation was only about five minutes long. It was a little over an hour into the class and it was May's turn to do her presentation. Sandra was next. May walked by Sandra's desk on her way to the middle of the room, and glared at Sandra as she walked by. Sandra felt confused. She barely ever talked to May and when they did it was always friendly. At first, Sandra assumed May had been informed that Sandra called her a gossip behind her back, but as the first slide came up, Sandra's confusion cleared away.
"My presentation today is on abortion." May said, glancing at Sandra.
"She knows. How does she know?" Sandra thought to herself, panicking.
As May flipped through the slides, Sandra felt worse and worse. It seemed that every statement May had was directed at Sandra. There were slides of statistics and slides about religion. There were slides of polls and slides of pictures.
"People who get abortions are horrible people." May said, emphasizing the word "horrible", as she glanced at Sandra. "According to the Bible, anyone who gets an abortion goes to Hell."
Sandra began to feel like she couldn't breath. Her heart felt as if it were beating a million miles a minute. Feeling tears filling up her eyes, she jumped up from her desk. The room felt like it was closing in on her and her vision was going black. Running out of the room, she almost knocked her own desk over. She heard everything on her desk clatter to the floor, but she didn't even pause. The classroom door slammed behind her as she rushed out of the room.
She ran down the hall until her legs felt weak. Her vision was still going black. Slowing down to a stop, she put her hand on the wall beside her to steady herself. She slowly dropped herself to the floor, leaning her back up against the wall. Trying to catch her breath, she rested her head on the wall as she closed her eyes.
As her heart began to slow back to its normal speed, she pulled her knees to her chest and put her head down on top of them, hiding her face. She could feel the tears dropping from her eyes and landing on her legs. Not being able to hold them back anymore, she gave up.
A few moments later, Imene showed up almost out of nowhere. She sat down beside Sandra and put her arm around Sandra's shoulders. She didn't say anything for a while, waiting for Sandra to stop shaking. She pulled Sandra's hair back and rested it behind her shoulders. Finally, Sandra looked up with red puffy eyes.
"How did you know?" Sandra asked with a sniffle.
"Your English teacher knew we were friends, so she came next door to my class and told me I should come talk to you." Imene explained.
"Want to tell me what happened?" Imene asked, sounding concerned.
"We had to do Powerpoint presentations on something that was important to us, like a virtue or a cause." Sandra started, her voice shaking. "May did hers on how horrible abortions are." Sandra began to cry again as she put her head back down.
"What a bitch!" Imene exclaimed, not sure of how to console Sandra. "I'll be back in five minutes." Imene said, getting up and walking briskly down the hall. She came back with Katie.
"Sandra! Imene told me everything!" Katie exclaimed as she sprinted the last few feet to Sandra. "Don't even listen to May. She's stupid and has no idea what you're going through." Katie said, rubbing Sandra's back.
Imene sat on the other side and agreed with Katie. The more they tried to console Sandra, the more upset she got. Katie began to get frustrated.
"She said people who get abortions are horrible people, and they are going to hell." Sandra said between sobs.
"First off, you are so not a horrible person!" Katie interjected. "And second of all, who cares if you're going to hell, I'll probably be right there with you!" Katie tried to joke, but Sandra's sobs just got louder.
"Come on, Sandra!" Katie urged, sounding upset. "I'm not used to this. Usually you're the one cheering me up! I don't know what to do." Katie sounded as if she were going to cry.
"Okay, calm down." Imene said, rubbing Katie's upper arm. "We don't need two hysterical people here." Imene reasoned.
"Sandra, I hate to see you cry. I don't know what to do, just tell me what to do." Katie said, trying to sound calm.
Sandra wanted to answer, she wanted to tell Katie and Imene how to make it better, how to make Sandra feel happy, but the truth was that she didn't know either. That was something that upset her even more. She wished that she knew how to stop thinking about the mistakes she had made and stop wanting to cry all the time. Her only problem was she had no idea how to deal with these feelings.
"What I would like to know is how did May find out?" Imene asked, looking at Katie.
Just then the bell rang. Katie and Imene tried to convince her to get up and walk toward her English class. People were rushing by, a few people almost tripped over them. Sandra looked up just as May was passing by. All three girls glared at May as she walked by.
They were so angry with May that they almost didn't notice who was walking beside her; Stacey. They seemed deep in conversation until May glanced at the girls. Stacey looked in that direction, and immediately put her gaze down as her face turned bright red. May kept her eyes on them until they passed, then resumed her conversation with Stacey.
"Stacey." Katie said, with venom in her voice.
Sandra finally stood up and agreed to go get her stuff from her English class.
"No." Imene said, still staring in May's direction.
Imene took off in that direction, with Katie and Sandra chasing behind her.
"Where are you going?" Katie called, but didn't get a response.
They almost ran into Imene as she stopped right behind May. Imene grabbed her by the arm and spun her around. Imene stared at May for a second before speaking.
"Who do you think you are?" Imene asked, her rage was evident by her tone of voice.
"What are you talking about?" May asked defensively.
"You know what I'm talking about. What makes you think you're better than anyone else? If anyone should be called a horrible person, it's you." Imene tried to keep her voice steady.
"Why don't you learn to speak English and then come and try to insult me." May said, trying to dismiss Imene.
"You have no idea what happened and you don't know anything about Sandra." Imene pretended she didn't hear May's last comment as she pointed her finger at May.
"Imene, please." Sandra tried to pull Imene away, but Imene shrugged her off.
"I may not know Sandra very well, but I know she's a murderer." May said, raising her voice. There was a crowd gathering.
"Who are you talking about?" Katie exclaimed angrily, as she pushed by Imene.
"I don't have time for this." May said, sounding nervous.
"You had time to humiliate someone who has never done anything wrong to you. Sandra is the nicest person you will ever meet, and you're nothing but a bitch." Sandra could see Katie's heart beating through her shirt.
May looked hurt by Katie's statement. She opened her mouth as if she were going to respond, but was cut off by a teacher pushing their way through the crowd. She got in between May and Imene and Katie, surveying both parties.
"Why don't we all just walk our separate ways before someone gets suspended." The teacher said calmly.
May was the first to turn and walk away, she seemed a little shaky as she hugged her books to her chest. Sandra grabbed Imene's and Katie's arms and pulled them away. The teacher stood there with her hands on her hips until all the girls were a sufficient distance away.
"That girl makes me so mad!" Imene said, her French accent sounding much stronger than usual.
Neither Sandra nor Katie replied. The three girls walked in silence to Sandra's English class. As bad as Sandra was feeling, a small part of her wanted to laugh at what just happened. The bell rang the second time as the girls reached the English classroom.
Sandra opened it, it looked like an appointment slip. All it said was "Please be in the school library at 8:30 a.m." Sandra couldn't think of why the nurse would want her in the library. She looked at the clock and realized it was already fifteen minutes past eight.
"I'll just finish these last few problems and then go down." Sandra said to herself.
As she finished with her last problem, she realized it was eight thirty-five. She jumped up and walked quickly back to her teacher.
"I have to go." Sandra said, handing him the slip. He simply nodded his head and got back to grading homework assignments.
Sandra's hands were shaking as she walked all the way across the school to the library. She hesitantly pulled open the door and took cautious steps into the library. Off the the right she saw a few girls sitting at a round table. The woman that Sandra assumed was the teacher stood up and walked to Sandra.
"Are you here for the pregnancy class?" She asked with a smile.
"I think there's been a mistake. I'm not pregnant anymore." Sandra said, her eyes welling up.
"Oh," The woman said, looking at the notebook in her hand. "We'll make sure this doesn't happen again." She marked something in her notebook as she asked Sandra for her name.
Sandra got back to math class only seconds before the bell rang. As Sandra gathered her stuff, Imene gave her an inquisitive look. Sandra just shook her head, not wanting to talk about it right now. She made her way to History class, looking for Stacey. Sitting down, Sandra noticed the seat beside her was empty. She scanned the room and saw Stacey sitting in the back of the room with May. History class seemed to drag without Stacey sitting beside her.
Finally, as Sandra sat at her seat in English class, she felt that at least this class would go well. She pulled the disc out of her bag and set it on her desk. Sandra loved the feeling of being prepared. The English teacher walked in and closed the door. After setting up the projector and screen, she picked up a bucket from her desk.
"Everyone will take a slip from this bucket. It will be the order that you all present your Powerpoints." She said as she began walking around the room, shaking the bucket. Sandra pulled out a slip and unfolded it. It said "12". The teacher called out everyone's name and and wrote down their numbers.
Each presentation was only about five minutes long. It was a little over an hour into the class and it was May's turn to do her presentation. Sandra was next. May walked by Sandra's desk on her way to the middle of the room, and glared at Sandra as she walked by. Sandra felt confused. She barely ever talked to May and when they did it was always friendly. At first, Sandra assumed May had been informed that Sandra called her a gossip behind her back, but as the first slide came up, Sandra's confusion cleared away.
"My presentation today is on abortion." May said, glancing at Sandra.
"She knows. How does she know?" Sandra thought to herself, panicking.
As May flipped through the slides, Sandra felt worse and worse. It seemed that every statement May had was directed at Sandra. There were slides of statistics and slides about religion. There were slides of polls and slides of pictures.
"People who get abortions are horrible people." May said, emphasizing the word "horrible", as she glanced at Sandra. "According to the Bible, anyone who gets an abortion goes to Hell."
Sandra began to feel like she couldn't breath. Her heart felt as if it were beating a million miles a minute. Feeling tears filling up her eyes, she jumped up from her desk. The room felt like it was closing in on her and her vision was going black. Running out of the room, she almost knocked her own desk over. She heard everything on her desk clatter to the floor, but she didn't even pause. The classroom door slammed behind her as she rushed out of the room.
She ran down the hall until her legs felt weak. Her vision was still going black. Slowing down to a stop, she put her hand on the wall beside her to steady herself. She slowly dropped herself to the floor, leaning her back up against the wall. Trying to catch her breath, she rested her head on the wall as she closed her eyes.
As her heart began to slow back to its normal speed, she pulled her knees to her chest and put her head down on top of them, hiding her face. She could feel the tears dropping from her eyes and landing on her legs. Not being able to hold them back anymore, she gave up.
A few moments later, Imene showed up almost out of nowhere. She sat down beside Sandra and put her arm around Sandra's shoulders. She didn't say anything for a while, waiting for Sandra to stop shaking. She pulled Sandra's hair back and rested it behind her shoulders. Finally, Sandra looked up with red puffy eyes.
"How did you know?" Sandra asked with a sniffle.
"Your English teacher knew we were friends, so she came next door to my class and told me I should come talk to you." Imene explained.
"Want to tell me what happened?" Imene asked, sounding concerned.
"We had to do Powerpoint presentations on something that was important to us, like a virtue or a cause." Sandra started, her voice shaking. "May did hers on how horrible abortions are." Sandra began to cry again as she put her head back down.
"What a bitch!" Imene exclaimed, not sure of how to console Sandra. "I'll be back in five minutes." Imene said, getting up and walking briskly down the hall. She came back with Katie.
"Sandra! Imene told me everything!" Katie exclaimed as she sprinted the last few feet to Sandra. "Don't even listen to May. She's stupid and has no idea what you're going through." Katie said, rubbing Sandra's back.
Imene sat on the other side and agreed with Katie. The more they tried to console Sandra, the more upset she got. Katie began to get frustrated.
"She said people who get abortions are horrible people, and they are going to hell." Sandra said between sobs.
"First off, you are so not a horrible person!" Katie interjected. "And second of all, who cares if you're going to hell, I'll probably be right there with you!" Katie tried to joke, but Sandra's sobs just got louder.
"Come on, Sandra!" Katie urged, sounding upset. "I'm not used to this. Usually you're the one cheering me up! I don't know what to do." Katie sounded as if she were going to cry.
"Okay, calm down." Imene said, rubbing Katie's upper arm. "We don't need two hysterical people here." Imene reasoned.
"Sandra, I hate to see you cry. I don't know what to do, just tell me what to do." Katie said, trying to sound calm.
Sandra wanted to answer, she wanted to tell Katie and Imene how to make it better, how to make Sandra feel happy, but the truth was that she didn't know either. That was something that upset her even more. She wished that she knew how to stop thinking about the mistakes she had made and stop wanting to cry all the time. Her only problem was she had no idea how to deal with these feelings.
"What I would like to know is how did May find out?" Imene asked, looking at Katie.
Just then the bell rang. Katie and Imene tried to convince her to get up and walk toward her English class. People were rushing by, a few people almost tripped over them. Sandra looked up just as May was passing by. All three girls glared at May as she walked by.
They were so angry with May that they almost didn't notice who was walking beside her; Stacey. They seemed deep in conversation until May glanced at the girls. Stacey looked in that direction, and immediately put her gaze down as her face turned bright red. May kept her eyes on them until they passed, then resumed her conversation with Stacey.
"Stacey." Katie said, with venom in her voice.
Sandra finally stood up and agreed to go get her stuff from her English class.
"No." Imene said, still staring in May's direction.
Imene took off in that direction, with Katie and Sandra chasing behind her.
"Where are you going?" Katie called, but didn't get a response.
They almost ran into Imene as she stopped right behind May. Imene grabbed her by the arm and spun her around. Imene stared at May for a second before speaking.
"Who do you think you are?" Imene asked, her rage was evident by her tone of voice.
"What are you talking about?" May asked defensively.
"You know what I'm talking about. What makes you think you're better than anyone else? If anyone should be called a horrible person, it's you." Imene tried to keep her voice steady.
"Why don't you learn to speak English and then come and try to insult me." May said, trying to dismiss Imene.
"You have no idea what happened and you don't know anything about Sandra." Imene pretended she didn't hear May's last comment as she pointed her finger at May.
"Imene, please." Sandra tried to pull Imene away, but Imene shrugged her off.
"I may not know Sandra very well, but I know she's a murderer." May said, raising her voice. There was a crowd gathering.
"Who are you talking about?" Katie exclaimed angrily, as she pushed by Imene.
"I don't have time for this." May said, sounding nervous.
"You had time to humiliate someone who has never done anything wrong to you. Sandra is the nicest person you will ever meet, and you're nothing but a bitch." Sandra could see Katie's heart beating through her shirt.
May looked hurt by Katie's statement. She opened her mouth as if she were going to respond, but was cut off by a teacher pushing their way through the crowd. She got in between May and Imene and Katie, surveying both parties.
"Why don't we all just walk our separate ways before someone gets suspended." The teacher said calmly.
May was the first to turn and walk away, she seemed a little shaky as she hugged her books to her chest. Sandra grabbed Imene's and Katie's arms and pulled them away. The teacher stood there with her hands on her hips until all the girls were a sufficient distance away.
"That girl makes me so mad!" Imene said, her French accent sounding much stronger than usual.
Neither Sandra nor Katie replied. The three girls walked in silence to Sandra's English class. As bad as Sandra was feeling, a small part of her wanted to laugh at what just happened. The bell rang the second time as the girls reached the English classroom.
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