Chapter 1

Sandra stared at the ice beneath her feet. Looking past her reflection, she saw the faint silhouette of a woman cradling a newborn in her arms and a man standing beside her. They looked so happy; Sandra almost couldn't take her eyes off them. She looked up to see her parents sitting at a patio table drinking something. Was it tea? They looked over and smiled as they waved, then continued their tea party.

It was a little cold out, but nothing Sandra wasn't used to. A small gust of wind went by, tousling her platinum blonde, waist length hair. She held up her hands to her face as she breathed into them to try to warm them up. She could see her breath as she did it. She tried to take a step toward her parents, but couldn't get traction on the ice. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't move. She stepped harder, hoping to dig her heel into the ice to help her fain traction. She only succeeded in creating a hairline fracture in the ice.

"I'm stuck!" She tried calling to them but they couldn't hear. She yelled as loud as she could, and it appeared she'd gotten their attention.

They gazed over at her for a moment, but simply smiled and waved. They resumed their conversation. Sandra wrapped her arms around herself, feeling stranded. She heard something scraping the ice. She turned around to see Jimmy. He was about the same distance away that her parents were, but in the opposite direction.

He was in a canoe, trying to row his way toward her, but his canoe was stuck in the ice.

"I'm coming for you, Sandra!" he called in his beautiful Gaelic accent. He was chopping at the ice as he tried to row.

That's when Sandra saw the cracks forming in the ice. They were originating where Jimmy was and they were creeping toward Sandra. She started to panic. "Stop!" she yelled, but didn't manage to yell loud enough, because he kept hacking at the ice.

"Jimmy, you're breaking the ice!" Sandra screamed, but to no avail.

She looked down as a large crack traced its way past her, appearing to split the silhouette right down the middle. She waved her arms at Jimmy trying to tell him to stop. She was still panicking. She looked back and forth from her parents to Jimmy and knew she wasn't going to get through to either party. Jimmy kept hitting the ice with his oar, and it seemed as though he didn't realize he wasn't getting anywhere. More cracks formed as Sandra searched for the happy silhouette. The silhouette was riddled with cracks that were getting larger by the second. They were inching toward her feet.

She kept trying to back away, but without traction, she couldn't move. She heard a crack, but it still startled her as the ice shattered. Just as she was submerged in icy cold water, Sandra's eyes flew open to the sound of her phone going off.

It was the twenty fifth day of her senior year in high school. The dream faded from her memory as she lay in bed for a few moments. She didn't want to get out of bed. She knew if she did that she'd have to deal with the accusations, the questions, the demands. Honestly, she didn't know how much fight she had left inside her. Someone knocked on the door.

"Time to get up, Sandra." Her mom said in her singsong voice as she continued down the hallway.

Sandra closed her eyes tight as her stomach cramped up. She put her hands on her stomach and tried to think of happy things. Sometimes she felt silly by doing it, but she felt that she could transfer her positive energy into wherever she was feeling pain and in doing so she'd overcome it. Pain was mental anyway, wasn't it?

Finally, after rolling out of bed, she looked in her vanity mirror and gave herself a disgusted look at how disheveled she looked. She picked up her brush from the vanity and brushed her hair until her hair was perfectly straight. Pulling some back from the front, she put a bobby pin a few inches back from her hairline to keep it out of her face.

Picking up her phone, she read the text message that woke her up, it was the same message every morning. "Wake up, Sunsine!" She smiled as she read it. After putting it down, she quickly applied her liquid foundation, eyeliner, and mascara. She studied her dark blue eyes for a few seconds before turning and walking to the closet. Hesitantly pulling out a jean skirt and a black tank top, she got dressed and sat on her bed to put her socks on. Without untying the laces, she slipped on her black and pink Reeboks.

She picked up her phone and put it in her skirt's back pocket as she walked out of her bedroom. Before pulling her door closed, she grabbed her purse hanging on the back. She walked down the hall to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Of course, it was locked.

"Gwen! Open the door!" She said sternly after pounding on the door.

"Obviously, I'm busy in here." Gwen retorted. Sandra could imagine her younger sister rolling her eyes as she paused in doing whatever it was that took her an hour every morning in the bathroom.

"Gwen, I just have to brush my teeth. Please." Sandra tried to keep her voice level. "It's not like you go to school anyway!" Sandra whispered just loud enough for Gwen to hear her through the door. Gwen opened the door and glowered at Sandra.

"We're fighting dirty, I see." She said accusingly, narrowing her dark brown eyes.

"Oh, come on. I'm not going to try to get you in trouble. I just have to be to school on time. You don't care." Sandra said meekly. She hated confrontation.

Gwen exhaled loudly as she rolled her eyes. "Oh, God, whatever. Use the bathroom." She brushed past Sandra without apologizing for bumping into her.

Sandra walked into the bathroom and picked up her toothbrush. Her phone buzzed. She took it out of her pocket and read the message.

"Ready when you are."

She squeezed the toothpaste onto the brush and let the water run over it for a few seconds before starting to brush her teeth. Her lips turned up into a small smile, in spite of everything that was going on. After rinsing her mouth with water, she lifted her chin up and gargled. Gargling always made her want to laugh. She wiped her face with the towel hanging on the wall and skipped downstairs.

"I made you some waffles," Her mom greeted her, holding a plate full of waffles toward her. Sandra's stomach rumbled as she said, "I'm really not hungry."

"You want a ride to school?" Her mom asked, ignoring Sandra's cold front.

"No. I want to walk." Grabbing her bag, she walked toward the door.

"You're leaving forty-five minutes earlier than usual!" Her mom said, confused.

"Well I have homework to catch up on." Sandra said before letting the front door slam behind her.

She walked down the street passing by all the other apartments on her street. As she got to the corner, Sandra spotted a green '94 Chrysler Lebaron. A wide smile spread across her face as she walked a little faster.

She almost skipped halfway across the street, flashing a beaming smile at the driver of the car. She pulled open the door and plopped down onto the seat, cautiously looking around to see if anyone was looking. She leaned over and kissed Jimmy on the lips. He had a bewildered smile as she pulled away from him.

"So, what exactly is the point of checking if the coast is clear after you've already gotten in the car?" He asked with a hint of laughter behind his words.

"I forgot to do it beforehand." Sandra said meekly as she shrugged her shoulders. Her cheeks turned pink as she lowered her gaze.

"You're so cute, darlin'." Jimmy said, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her again. "I brought breakfast." He said, pulling a Dunkin' Donuts bag from his lap. He handed it to her and she almost ripped open the bag as she pulled out the egg and cheese croissant breakfast sandwich. He handed her an iced coffee.

"French vanilla, extra cream, extra sugar; just the way you like it." Jimmy said smiling.

Sandra took the cup and gave him a sweet smile and sipped the coffee through the straw slowly at first, but was almost finished with the medium cup within five minutes. She leaned her seat back and laid back on her side. Then, she laid her head on her left hand. Jimmy looked at her and smiled. The sun wasn't finished rising yet, so it was still giving everything a splash of red and orange hues. Jimmy tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her on the forehead.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked her.

"I haven't gotten sick yet, but I know I will. It will probably be at the most inconvenient moment." She laughed as she said it.

"Murphy's law." Jimmy stated with a shrug of his shoulders. He reached to the back seat and pulled a small bag onto his lap. He pulled a camera out and pointed it at Sandra as he pushed the button. The flash didn't go off, but it made a clicking noise to confirm that the picture had been taken. It was an old camera, the kind that required film. It was all black with a white Hello Kitty and rhinestone stickies on the bottom left corner.

"You're eyes look almost purple today." Jimmy said softly, staring into her eyes. Sandra hesitated before speaking.

"Where'd you get the camera?" She asked, reaching out and taking the camera from his hand.

"From a pawn shop. It only cost me ten dollars, it included the film!"

He said, sounding proud of himself. "I thought you'd like it, so I bought it for you."

"Thank you." Sandra said, without taking her eyes off the camera. She held it up and snapped a picture of Jimmy. "So I can always remember you." She said before putting the camera into her purse.

"I don't plan on giving you any chance to forget me, darlin'." Jimmy said, brushing her cheek. He turned when they heard footsteps approaching the car.

"Here comes Katie." He said turning the key in the ignition.

Sandra pulled her seat up as the engine purred and saw Katie running toward the car from the opposite direction she had come from earlier this morning. They lived on opposite ends of the longest street in their apartment complex. Katie ran up to the passenger side and pulled open the door. She pushed Sandra's seat forward and climbed into the back seat.

"Good morning!" She chirped, pulling her straight brown hair back into a ponytail. "I was running a little late this morning, so I'll be finishing my morning routine in the car." She said, pulling her make up bag out of her backpack.

Jimmy put the car in drive and slowly pulled out onto the street.

"So, when are you going to tell me what your mom said? Do you feel like talking about it yet?" Katie asked anxiously as she clasped her medium sized hoop earrings into her ears.

"Not yet." Sandra sighed. She stared out the window as the buildings and houses passed by. Jimmy put his hand on her knee and drove with only one hand on the wheel. Sandra put her hand over his, but continued gazing out the window, holding back the tears that threatened to ruin her perfect mask.

Katie continued putting on makeup. Even as Jimmy pulled up to the front of the school, Katie asked him to pull over for a few minutes. They were still fifteen minutes early for school. Sandra always liked it that way.

It gave her time to organize her things and collect herself before the day actually started. Finally, Katie finished putting on her makeup. She teased her bangs with her fingers quickly before scooting over to get out of the car.

Sandra gave Jimmy a peck on the cheek before jumping out of the car and walking up the stairs to the front door of school. Jimmy always waited until she walked into school before driving away. He smiled as he watched his girlfriend and her best friend walk arm in arm through the large double doors.

Chapter 2

Jimmy pulled away and checked his cell phone as he turned the corner. He had a message from Vinny.

"You on your way yet?"

Without taking his eyes off the road for more than a second, Jimmy scrolled through the automatic messages and sent "yes". Within ten minutes he pulled up outside of Tony's Tires and More. He got out as a husky man came walking out of the garage. He stood at the entrance and folded his arms across his chest.

"About time you showed up. Did you have fun dropping your girlfriend off at kindergarten?" Vinny said laughing as Jimmy got to the door. They both walked in as Jimmy grabbed his work shirt from the hook on the wall and put it on over his white tanktop.

"You're an arse, I hope ya know." Jimmy said trying not to laugh. "She's almost a high school graduate." He said, defensively.

"And how old are you again?" Vinny asked, mockingly.

"If you must know, I'll be twenty two on October the thirty-first." Jimmy said as he picked up his wrench set. "Now, can we work, or are you going to just stand there jabbering on about my social life all day?"

Jimmy walked to the Camaro that was in the back of the garage.

"All I'm saying is America ain't like Ireland, Jimmy. You can't just date whoever you want. You can get in trouble for being with this chick." Vinny said, picking up the yellow hood.

"She wouldn't get me in trouble. Sandra's different than all the others." Jimmy began loosening some bolts.

"She wouldn't be the one that got you in trouble." Vinny said as he leaned in to pull a part out. "Just be careful man. I don't want to see you getting shipped back to Ireland."

Jimmy didn't say anything else. He submerged himself into his work for the rest of the day trying to think of nothing else.

Sandra fidgeted at her desk. She had all her supplies organized the way she liked them. She had her AP Calculus book opened to the lesson that was scheduled for the day with her notebook on the right side of the desk slightly overlapping her book. She had her pencil and pen at the top of the desk and her calculator on the left hand side of her book.

She took a deep breath and looked around as the class began filling up. Mr. Glarvin was the last person in, as usual. He shut the door behind him and immediately began his lesson. He got to the front of the classroom and began writing on the dry erase board that stretched across the wall.

"Today, we're going to learn some new formulas." He began writing a new formula on the board as Sandra gagged. Her hand shot to her mouth, but the whole class was staring at her.

"Are you alright, Sandra?" Mr. Glarvin asked, worried. She nodded her head. As he turned around to finish writing his formula, Sandra could feel her stomach turning again. She jumped up from her desk and scrambled out of the room.

Sandra went to the bathroom and threw up three times. She sat on the floor in front of the toilet. She didn't know how long she was in there. Class wasn't over because the bell hadn't gone off yet. The door swung open and slammed shut. She smiled when she heard a friendly voice.

"Are you okay?" It was the new student from France.

"Yes, I think I'm alright. Just way too embarrassed to go back to class." Sandra opened the stall door. Since she had gotten here, Sandra often found herself jealous of her. The new French girl was arguably one of the prettiest girls in the whole school. She had short dark brown hair that was naturally straight and smooth and she had grayish blue eyes.

"You're Sandra right?" The girl asked, sitting down in front of Sandra.

"Yes, I'm sorry, what's your name again?" Sandra asked, feeling rude.

"Imene," she started, before clarifying. "Pronounced, eeh men. Everyone I've met so far has a problem saying it."

"Nice to formally meet you, Imene." Sandra held her hand out. "After sitting next to you for almost a month." She laughed as Imene smiled and took her hand.

"So I am guessing you're pregnant?" Imene said, trying her best to overcome her French accent.

"That obvious, huh?" Sandra asked, letting a small laugh out.

"Don't worry. I told the class you went out for sushi last night and you think you got a bad piece." Imene said standing up. She held her hand out to help Sandra up.

"Thank you so much." Sandra said, taking her hand.

Sandra walked over to the sinks and rinsed her mouth out at least five times.

"Here." Imene said, handing Sandra a piece of mint gum. "Now, let's get back to class before the class realizes I'm lying!" Imene pulled Sandra out of the bathroom.

As she walked into the class, she felt everyone's eyes burning into her.

It was as if they knew all her secrets just by looking at her. She kept her gaze low and tried to sink into her chair. She hoped if she felt invisible she could be invisible. The only problem was she couldn't feel invisible when half the class wouldn't stop staring at her.

Imene handed her a paper and Sandra quickly realized it was the notes from the class. She flashed her a grateful smile and tried to pay attention to the rest of the lesson. Unfortunately, all she could think about was everything she didn't want to. Her mind wandered to when she told her parents.

It was the day before the first day of school. Sandra walked into her parents room and saw her mom laying alone on the bed. Sandra went and laid on her side beside her. She focused on the TV, trying not to seem too obvious. She wanted to tell her mom but was scared. She could feel her hands shaking, so she tucked them between her knees and curled up a little. She tilted her head up to look at her mom.

"Mom..." Sandra started.

"Yes?" Her mom responded, not taking her eyes off the TV.

Sandra panicked. She couldn't tell her yet.

"Here's the remote. I was laying on it." She said, handing her mom the remote.

"Thanks." Her mom said looking at her suspiciously.

After a few moments, Sandra couldn't take the tension.

"I'm pregnant." She blurted out, trying to keep herself from crying. Her whole body was shaking. After about a minute of silence Sandra said, "Mom?"

She looked at her mom and realized she was crying.

"I really thought you were smarter, Sandra." Her mom said. "You really must be the dumbest smart person I know."

She began to get louder and Sandra's dad came in and asked what was going on.

"Ask your daughter." Her mom said walking out of the room. She slammed the bathroom door. Sandra's father narrowed his eyes at her.

"I'm pregnant." Sandra almost whispered.

"How could you be so stupid?" He yelled at her.

Sandra got up and went back to her bedroom. Her dad stopped yelling at her and was now trying to calm her mom down. Sandra lay down in bed and stuffed her face into the pillow. The tears were streaming out of her eyes now. She rolled over and held the pillow over her face until she couldn't breathe. She wanted to suffocate herself. Her lungs were screaming for air and she didn't want to give them any.

She heard someone come into the room, but she ignored it. They sat on the edge of the bed and took the pillow out of her hands. It was her mom. The front door slammed shut followed by the roaring of a car's engine. Her mom wiped the last evidence of tears from her face before speaking.

"So what are you going to do?" She asked, trying not to sniffle.

"I don't know." Sandra answered.

"Well, I don't want to tell you to get an abortion because I don't want you to feel like the baby wouldn't be welcome here if you ever decided to keep it." Her mom said calmly.

"So don't." Sandra said without looking at her mom.

Her mom sat there for a moment, staring at Sandra. Sandra heard her take a breath as if she were trying not to cry. Her mom got up and walked briskly out of the room. Sandra put on her head phones and listened to her Linkin Park CD until she fell asleep.

Sandra woke up and it wasn't even dinner time yet. She looked at her phone and it was only four in the afternoon. Her mom came in and threw the cordless phone at her.

"Start calling clinics to make an appointment for an abortion." Her mom said coldly before walking out. She slammed the door behind her.

Sandra's stomach felt like it was being tied in knots. She had been blindsided by the one person she hadn't expected, the one person who seemed to have been slightly on her side. She didn't know what to do. She stared at the phone trying not to cry again. Her mom came back in.

"Have you called anyone?" She asked almost without emotion.

"I don't know any numbers." Sandra sniffled.

"Here." Her mom said handing her a list of numbers.

Sandra tried calling the first one, but they were already closed for the day.

"I think they're all going to be closed at this time." Sandra said, trying not to sound too happy.

"Try again tomorrow after school then." Her mom said snatching the phone out of her hand. "Go eat. Dinner's on the table."

Sandra was jolted back to reality when Imene elbowed her.

"So using this formula, Sandra, what is the function of eighty-two?" Mr. Glarvin asked, waiting patiently for an answer. Sandra hesitated trying to figure it out quickly in her head, but knew it would be impossible to do all the work in her head. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, she was saved by the bell.

"Okay class, remember to do all the problems on page one hundred fifty-seven. Have a good day!" He said as everyone pushed their way into the hallway. Almost immediately, Stacey was walking beside her.